The Retina

So, I had a fun time today dealing with my eyes. In a nutshell, I went to get a prescription for new glasses, the doctor discovered a cyst on my retina, I had to drive to a retina specialist in St. Paul, wait for 2 hours, then get told that it wouldn't affect my vision and I shouldn't worry about it. And I got a prescription for the glasses. I'm going to buy them tomorrow. They're Brooks Brothers ones. Sort of expensive, but I'm going to be wearing them for the next 5 years or so. So, my mom reopened the debate about England next year tonight. And she made a very good point. Am I willing to throw away a year of fine music making for this? Am I willing to possibly jepordize my goal of being a great trombonist for a year in England? I mean, why do I want to go? Do I want to really be immersed in another culture? Yes, I do. But I also really want to go to France. If I stay at Luther and make orchestra, I would spend J-term of next year in Vienna, going to the opera and playing in the great concert halls. Gah, this decision is so hard. But it must be made this week. I can always travel, there's no doubt to that. Which is the greater opportunity? I am not afraid to go to England. I am afraid of not becoming a good trombone player. Please, if anyone has any input on this, let me know. I spent last night at my friend's condo in Minneapolis. It was fun. I'm looking forward to getting back to Luther tomorrow. Emily and some other swing dancers are holding a modified Star Wars marathon, complete with clone trooper cupcakes. It will be nice to watch some epic space opera to kick off the new semester. Speaking of semester, I need to step it up in terms of grades. I mean, my GPA is a 3.6, which is nothing to be ashamed of. But, I got a B+ in my J-term class, and I want to get back to my habit of A's. Well, I'll get a C or so in ear training, but that's to be expected. So, no slacking off. I can do it. My very good friend Jacob is shipping off to Germany in a day or so here. Bon voyage my friend, you will have a wonderful experience, but I will miss you much. In the immortal words of old Ben Kenobi, "the Force will be with you, always."

Late Night Blogging

Well, the girl did not show up at game night tonight. To be honest, I didn't really expect her to. I don't know, it's just a little too obscure. Being invited by a guy you barely know to play board games with a bunch of people you don't know. I wouldn't have gone. But you know, I really am not discouraged. I feel good about my life right now, for the most part. I do some things that I'm not too proud of, but overall, I'm happy. I'm thankful to God for even having somewhat of a friendship/relationship with this girl. And for having good friends. I will have an opportunity to talk to her tomorrow, and we will go from there. Game night was pretty lame anyways. A bunch of people played cards (which I hate), so it ended up with me tagging along with Benjamin, my roommate, and this guy they know, drinking beer in his room. It probably was not the best idea. But I was mostly in control of myself, and I had a chat with Emily, the trombone Star Wars girl. She is dating someone know, so it's good I have moved on from her in a romantic sense. She will always be a great friend however, and a wonderful dancing partner. Gosh I can't wait to go dancing again. Thursday, at the caves. If anyone reads this and is interested, please let me know, as we need females. I need sleep, it's late. I hope everyone is well.

What Is Going On?

Okay, the past 72 hours have been officially deemed wonderful. I completed all my homework, got to spend time with friends, ate wonderful Mexican, made a couple new friends, went swing dancing, watched Sideways, and set up an encounter with a girl. Said girl is in the photo to the right. Along with another dear friend of mine. My eyes might have deceived me, and that is a very possible answer, but in my history class, I could have sworn we caught each other glancing at the other a hundred times. But of course, I can't capitalize on anything, so I walked out without saying anything to her. But I looked her up in the student directory, walked to her dorm room, paid her $5 for gas from Friday, and actually had a normal conversation. Some of my friends here at Luther have a game night every Tuesday, and we sit around and play board games. So, I told her about it, and asked if she might like to come. And she said that she would. So, we'll see if she shows up. I really hope she does. She's a history major and music minor, like me. Well, who knows whether it's a music major or minor, but you get the idea. I don't want to get too encouraged, because nothing has really happened yet. I guess, I don't feel giddy, like I probably would have in high school. I just have a sense of happiness, contentment. Not to get ahead of myself or anything, but it would be fun to be able to bring a girl back home to meet my friends and family sometime. Especially a beautiful one. Gosh, that sounded superficial. I met another girl dancing on Friday. She is half American, half Mexican, and spent the past semester in Mexico. She had some wonderful stories about her time down there. Her love for Mexican culture and people, and her enthusiasm for Spanish I found very admirable and inspiring. She learned Spanish so she could communicate with her family. Now that's cool. Let's move on. Dances With Wolves came today. I ordered it off Amazon, and I am quite excited to watch it again. I watched Sideways last night, which is always enjoyable. To those of you who have never seen Sideways, that is another movie I highly recommend. My friend Jacob is leaving for Germany in a little over a week. He's studying there all semester. I'm going to miss him. With me likely being gone in England next year, these are probably the last days we'll spend together at Luther. That is a shame, but all things must come to an end. It seems like such a short time since I was in high school, and him and Ben were leaving for their first year of college. Man how time flies. Anyways, I should complete my homework. Hope everyone is well.

Movement

Last night I went swing dancing in Minneapolis, at a dancing center called the Tapestry. It was, undescribable. I had been looking forward to it all week, and I was not disappointed. It was so fun, because it was dancing with people I love. People that I really, in all honesty don't know all that well, but through the common experience of dancing, also share a beautiful connection. It was really interesting, on the way up, the people in the car I was riding in had this intense discussion about love, dating, and marriage. I didn't participate, because there were people in the car I didn't know, and we all know how I act around people I don't know. But I don't know, it was really interesting to hear how people look at such events. I am such a hopeless romantic. Anyways, back to dancing. What was really cool, was to see how different people gravitate towards different types of dancing. My friend Jacob is all about traditional folk dancing, and salsa. He actually ducked out of swing for a while to do some folk. Another girl just spent a semester in Mexico, and she was all about salsa, and could do all these different kinds of salsa. I have definitely fallen in love with swing, particularly the lindy. I don't know, it's just so many things to me. It's so exciting, and fluid, and so many wonderful things. Contrary to what other people think, I also think it can be a very romantic dance. It's what I'm into, and that's all that anyone needs to know. I met a girl last night, from Luther. She also plays oboe. Strange. I really don't know much about this girl, besides the fact she is a history major, plays oboe, and likes to dance. She is tall, thin, and blond. So, in essence, about the complete opposite of what I could be expected to find. But, I found myself quite attracted to her. She is in my Indian Country class, so at least for the next week, I'll have sustained contact with her. She's very nice, and I sensed a geek tendency in her. When you are a geek like myself, you can sense such things. She has one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen, and has wonderful teeth. For those of you who don't know, I do enjoy a nice set of teeth. Sort of like how some people really like legs, or butts, or breasts. I like teeth. Anyways, I think I'd like to ask her to do something one night. Not a date. They had this big discussion in the car, that a "date" just makes things awkward. Just two people doing something. She seems so nice, she might want to do something. So yeah, I liked her. And pretty obviously, so did my roommate. He danced with her quite a bit, and sat in the front seat with her in the car (she drove). I mean, it wasn't anything bad or anything, he just talked to her a lot. I didn't think too much of his actual efforts to woo her, but I definitely got a little pissed off, simply out of selfish desire. Gah, whatever. We'll see how stuff works out. I taught her how to lindy. I think I definitely breached a threshold last night, in my dancing. I think I may have passed from the realm of the beginner lindy dancer to intermediate. Possibly. Anyways, I should do some homework. Wish me luck with blond oboe girl. Hope everyone is well.

Dreams

I bought this movie off eBay, and it came today. I'm excited to watch it. I think it may be my favorite James Bond movie. I had a really weird dream last night. It was weird in that it involved a girl, and this blog. It involved the oboe girl who I consider so beautiful. And we were like lying on a bed or something (fully clothed), and we were being really flirty, snuggling and the like. And then for some reason, she was looking on my computer, and noticed that my blog was on the bookmarks, and asked if she could read it. I of course, freaked out because I've written about my feelings about her so much, so I was frantically trying to delete a bunch of posts. And then I got really worried, because I remembered she had a boyfriend. And that was the end. It was a really weird mix of surreality and reality. So, yeah. I played Star Wars Trivial Pursuit last night, and was victorious. I thought it was fun. It degenerated into only 2 of us playing, but you know, whatever. It isn't a game really suited for mainstream use. I mean, you really have to be a geek to appreciate it, and have fun. Otherwise, it's just boring. So, right. I went jogging yesterday. And you know, it was fun to be outside, and be physical. but I remembered how bad I am at running. How slow and outof shape I am. Oh well, you must start somewhere. That's about all for now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Fingernails (Originally written 1/14/06)

I lost a fingernail tonight, for the second time. My left index fingernail. It’s appropriate, I ripped it off the first time pulling on a ski boot, and it came off for the second time at Welch Village, a ski hill. Yes, I did indeed go skiing today, and it was glorious. It is one of the things I do enjoy a lot. And I’m pretty good at. So, that was pleasurable. I had an interesting series of emotions tonight. On the way back from Welch, on the bus, I sat next to a bunch of high school students from my church who are all very active. As in, a very active faith life, they do a lot at church, etc, etc, etc. Exactly how I was when I was there age. It was just interesting to listen to them talk and interact with each other. Sort of took me back to the good old days. Then, when I came home tonight, I ran across a blue notebook. An old, ragged, dirty blue notebook, that acted as my journal through my last couple years of high school. It was interesting to read, because it basically is the less technological version of this here blog. It’s a little more privately orientated, but the subject matter is still the same. It’s still all about women. In particular, two females that I spent a lot of time in high school pining about. If you ever come to my house, and see my room, all my prom pictures are still up, and the female in question is in those pictures. I don’t know, it was just really sort of surreal to read the account I wrote about prom back in 11th grade, the emotions that were going through my head, the feelings I had, the hopes and dreams. This was (still is) an important moment in my life, because 11th grade prom was one of my few romantic successes in life. Well, nothing really came of it, but it was a success. Ever since then, I’ve sort of been in romantic doldrums. Just, nothing has worked out, or come up, or anything. Well, things come up, but they never lead to anything but frustration. I really don’t just sit here and live in the past, but it is always good to revisit the past. Our history is an integral part of our experience. We should learn from it, and apply its lessons to what lies ahead. Besides the whole girl part of the notebook, it was also interesting to see how my zeal for Christ expressed itself. I was a very zealous kid back in the day, the sort of cliché uber-religious kid you would see at a contemporary Christian rock concert. And it’s not that that’s a bad thing. I’ve just, moved on. Or better said, I express my faith in a different way. I sometimes wish I could have stayed how I was. It certainly makes life a lot more black and white. A lot clearer. So yeah, that’s what was on my mind. It would be nice to find a suitable girl at Luther. Of course, it is problematic when all the girls you like either have boyfriends, are on sabbatical from dating, are involved with other people, or are intensely crushed upon by your friends. Eh, I suppose it could be worse. I’m out. Hope everyone has a good day.

See Photo

This is a movie I highly recommend for all to watch. I watched it last night, and was absolutely captivated. It captivated me to the extent that I am thinking of changing my area of history to Native American studies. I don't know, so many emotions went through me as I watched the movie. First was wonder at the beauty of America. I mean, it has since been bastardized by settlement and such, but still, we live in a land of immense natural beauty. Secondly, both through this movie and my J-term class, I am gaining a new respect for Indian cultures. Well, I am gaining a real respect for them, as opposed to the respect that your grade school teacher tells you to have at Thanksgiving. You know, I can't articulate what I am trying to say about my feelings on Native American culture, so I'll just stick to the movie. I don't know, it's just a beautiful film. It has a beautiful love story in it, a beautiful story of common humanity, beautiful scenery, and a beautiful story of self discovery. I wish my life would be like John Dunbar's. Anyways, enough of the fantasizing. Go rent the movie. I went swing dancing here at Luther last night, and it was very fun. I danced quite a bit with Emily, which was nice. Although, I fear my courtship plans are not to be. It just does not seem to be the right time. She graduates in a semester, I will be abroad next year, she has all these guy friends who I swear she's in love with, etc, etc, etc. She's a fun girl to be with, but I fear that's all that will become of it. Oh well. A girl will show up eventually. I saw Kathleen, the oboe girl the other day. I know she has a boyfriend, is way out of my league, etc, etc, etc, but she is absolutely beautiful. She has to be one of the most beautiful girls I have ever laid eyes on. Well, I suppose you never know, my fortunes could change one day. It would help if I actually saw her. I am going home for the weekend, and will be going skiing. I am excited for that. So yes, I hope the weekend is successful. This has been a very rambling post, for which I apologize, but I'm sort of thinking in a million different ways right now. I should go pack my things. Hope everyone is well.

When Things Get Disinteresting

One of my friends ceased to participate in a singing/music group I am in at my church back home. I am quite saddened by it, but it's not like I'm angry at her. I think that may be the impression I gave them when I asked them about it. I'm not angry, as I have no idea what their life is like now, or what their feelings are about it. But, I'm sad, as it's a person I very much like spending time with, and in a group where I have few friends, they were one of my few remaining ones. But, I'm sure I can make it. But, individual who shall remain nameless, I am sorry if I offended you. I will miss you at the practices and on the trip though. I had a pretty successful weekend. I went to a dinner party on Saturday. My friend Benjamin cooked this Italian chicken thing for a group of individuals, and we ate it. It was fun, because I got to know a girl a little closer that is in band with me, but she's never seemed too friendly to me before. So, it's nice to sort of break the ice and cultivate some semblance of a friendship. I also played Star Wars Risk yesterday with Jacob and this girl he knows. I am amazed how he meets so many great women. Upright, fun to be with, interesting, etc, etc, etc. And he knows them in abundance. How does this happen, and why don't I fall into that situation? Eh, I've just been frustrated lately with women. It always seems that women I find interesting or attractive always have a significant other, or another man in their life that consumes all their time and attention. Or some other situation. I mean, sometimes you just wonder, "When am I going to find someone?" I've been wondering that lately. It's a question that really can't be answered. It's a shame I don't possess better social skills. J-term is going well. It's really good to have a relaxed schedule, and have time to do so much stuff. My homework load isn't what I'd really call heavy, so I have time to relax, work out, eat, etc, etc, etc. I have time to practice, but I haven't made the most of it yet. I really need to step that up this week. I need to work out some issues on the trombone this month, so I'm fresh and ready to go next semester. I played at a high school girls basketball game on Friday night, and then a Luther girls basketball game on Saturday, both in pep band. I remembered why I hated Luther pep band so much. It's so lame. So, I'm playing in this little brass group tonight, accompanying like, a thousand singers. And I'm playing with two of the orchestra trombone people. They play a lot louder and better than I. I'll have to get used to it though, as I'm playing with them all next semester for that opera thing. So yeah, hope this goes well.

Practical Knowledge, and Dreams

I wish I had practical knowledge, particularly how to operate the copy machine in the library. All I wanted to do was copy an article, but I couldn't figure out the instructions, and felt too dumb to ask for help. I've had "Springtime for Hitler" from The Producers stuck in my head the past few days. This may be simply a dream, but you know what I think would be a lot of fun? After graduate school, or college, or whatever, to go to New York, and see if I could get into the pit orchestra for a Broadway show. Playing trombone, as you can imagine. I don't know, I really love musical theater, and I loved being in New York this summer. Playing in such a show would be an amazing experience. I guess it is only a dream though, the chances of me actually doing it are pretty slim. But, I could, if I practice hard. A person can do a lot of things if they apply themselves. Speaking of applying, I need to buckle down on the trombone over J-term, and take care of some fundamental issues. I played my 3B yesterday, to start the breaking in process. I was very pleased with the sound I was getting. It's good to be back at Luther. It's really nice to have such a leisurely schedule. Anyways, class calls. Hope everyone is well.

Year in Review (Originally written 1/1/06)

It’s a little late, but I thought it might be a good idea to give a recap of my year; my experiences, major thought trends, feelings, friends, etc, etc, etc. I think the defining moment in my life this year was the entire experience surrounding the Concert Band trip to Japan and China. Just, the intense responsibility that was just thrust upon me to play well, and play well as an ensemble. Plus, the shock of making the band in my first semester of eligibility. So many things went along with it, including meeting some wonderful people. Wonderful friends. Specifically, I’m talking about Benjamin, and for last year, Phil and Brad. It is such a blessing to finally be part of a group. Plus, the opportunity to travel to the Far East was just amazing. I’ve talked about it many times before, so I won’t go on about it, but it was phenomenal. Yeah, that whole deal is something that is hard to articulate, but it was a pivotal event. I grew closer to a friend of mine back home, who then gained a girlfriend. I won’t say that she strains our friendship, but she definitely adds a different dynamic for me at least. I don’t exactly know how I feel about it, because I sometimes worry about him. I just want to see him happy, but I hope he knows what he’s doing, going in so hardcore. I guess I’m not the best person to talk about this, but whatever, it’s the year in review. I seem to have taken a more complacent stance towards the pursuing of romantic relationships this year. It’s not like I shy away from women or anything. I don’t know, I hadn’t found a girl that just struck my heart a flutter in the way that certain individuals have done in my past. I had little crushes, of course. It always seems that the girls I like either have significant others, or are in situations that make it very difficult to initiate anything. I find myself thinking about the trombone Star Wars girl a lot thought. I want to maybe attempt to ask her on a date this month. Also this year, I took up swing dancing as a hobby. I’m starting to get pretty serious. I recently purchased a pair of Aris Allen wingtip dance shoes. How could I forget Star Wars Episode III? Man, can’t believe that. The final installment of the saga definitely played a big part in my cultural/social life this year. From the creation of my Jedi robes, to the 6 hour campout, the 11 theater viewings to the 17 hour marathon, Star Wars definitely played a big role. And you know what, I like it. I like Star Wars, and I have no regrets whatsoever about anything I’ve done regarding it. I only wish I could have gone to Celebration III. This year saw the adoption of a scarf as an appropriate item of dress, as well as the blazer. It has seen the rejuvenation of a couple somewhat dormant friendships, most significantly to me, the renewal of relations with a dear female friend of mine from high school. One of my most very favorite people. It’s also seen a good year at work. The arrival of Shane at Walgreens store #5634 has really made work a lot of fun. It’s been a good year, overall. What do I want to do this year? I want to continue to keep myself relatively fit, and get out on my bike (or some form of bike) more often. I would like to worship on a regular basis at Luther. I feel as if my journey is now taking me to look for some form of non-friend relationship with a woman. In order to do that, I also want to be more social, and be more open. Not deny my roots (i.e. Star Wars geekiness, bad hair, etc, etc, etc), but try and look presentable to the opposite gender. I should just try to imitate Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. That worked out for him pretty well. I don’t know, that’s the very random, out of order, nonsensical, year in review.