Real Converstions

I realized something tonight. I don't ever really have any real conversations anymore. And it sucks. Today I got a phone call from a very good friend of mine who I don't see very often. A friend from high school that I've kept up with. I really like her. As a friend of course. She's great. And it was just so invigorating to talk about real things with her. Like, things that mattered, things that have real impact, that mean something. Friend, if you read this, you have no idea how much that meant to me. I'm looking forward to seeing you and talking some more. And playing trombone for your wedding. Then I went out and took a bike ride. First of the summer, so my thighs are feeling a little roughed up. But it was fun. I really want to have a regular riding schedule this year. I really enjoy biking, and I want to lose some weight before shipping off to England. I rode back to my house, my home in Lakeville/Farmington. And my neighbor spotted me, and I sat with them for a while and chatted. It was really fun. It was really cool to see that I still have a family in my old neighborhood, even if I don't live there anymore. Their daughter, who I used to play with all the time when I was little, is graduating this year. So, I'm going to go to her open house on Saturday. I'm looking forward to it. I really miss my old home. It doesn't really hit you until you return, and you can't walk in the front door with your dog, flop down on the couch, and turn on Sports Center, like I always used to do. I even miss mowing the lawn. I really miss that. Mowing the lawn has a certain meditational quality to it. You can just be. Plus, freshly mowed grass smells good. Anyways, I realized after all of this that I don't have real conversation with a vast majority of my friends. My one friend, all we ever seem to do anymore is just sort of sit around his house. Sometimes we play stupid card games, but most of the time, we just sit around. This summer is hereby dubbed the summer of action. I'm going to do things this summer. I'm going to go to Twins games, go to parks, play frisbee golf, go biking, just do anything except just sit around. Life is too beautiful to just sit around. Anyways, hope everyone is well. Catch you all later.

Sublimations

Back to my favorite topic. Romantic misery. I don't know what it is, probably the fact that it's summer and the weather is nice, but the usueal romantic trauma -o- meter is running high these days. I was looking at myself in the mirror today, and was wondering, "Who out there is destined for this person?" For so long I have tried to sublimate that question to so many people. Obviously, none of them have been correct. How much longer? How much longer will I have to feel stupid and hang out with my coupled friends all alone? You idiot, it's not about feeling stupid. It's about not feeling as complete as you could be, as you want to be. It's just crazy. Two of my best friends are engaged. Are they engaged to their soulmates, to the single people in the world that they are destined to be with? I don't know, sometimes I wonder. I bet they sometimes must wonder. If I've learned anything the past two years, it's that doubt is an essential part of the human experience. And it shouldn't be shied away from, it should be confronted, and questioned. I hope they know what they're doing. It's just old. A 20 year romantic drought. Well, if you consider that such feelings really only start at puberty, probably about a 8 year drought. But you get the idea. It's been a long time. And it's not something that can be forced. So, how much longer is it going to be? Is it ever going to be? I sure hope so.

Spring 2006

Spring grades are in. Check it out

The Chemical World - A-
Intro to the New Testament- A
Private Instruction: Trombone- A
Theory II- A-
Class Instruction: Piano- A
Ear Training II- C

Booyah.

Culmination

This past weekend, a Twins ballpark bill was passed by the Minnesota State Legislature. The governor said he's going to sign it this week. This culminates 10 years of waiting for Twins fans, and gives baseball in the Twin Cities a bright future. I am just elated. I can't wait to watch Twins baseball outside. As a lifelong Twins fan, this is just like Christmas. I've been to Miller Park and Safeco Field, and let me tell you, I'm so excited. This is such a win not only for baseball, but for the state. In other news, the summer is officially upon me. And that is good. I spent the night last night at Scott's dad's, which was fine. Tonight I went and saw The Da Vinci Code. I must say, I liked it. It dragged a little at times, and being a hopeless romantic, was disappointed when the romantic end was cut out, but hey, it's could. Even though it's clearly fiction, you have to admit that it is a really good story. An interesting story. I remember getting my photo taken in the Louvre next to the supposed resting place of the Holy Grail. Funny how much a piece of pop culture can change how things are interpreted. Still sort of drifting in and out of thought on the mysterious girl. I ran across her blog on facebook. We're actually listed as friends, so it's not like I was creepy stalking her. I clicked on it, but it was brand new, no posts. I wonder if she's going to write anything. With my luck she'll talk about how wonderful her boyfriend is or something. My friends want to do something really stupid on Wednesday. They want to start drinking at like, 9 in the morning, then go to a Twins game. I said I'd meet them for the game, but would not drink beforehand. I said I'd chill out in the evening. It's just so dumb, and it makes me angry that they seem so baffled by my decision to not partake. Why can't my decisions be respected? I'm not going out of my way to stop them. They should accept what I want to do, and I don't want to go see the Twins play drunk. I don't want to drink at 9 in the morning. I want to see my friends and watch some baseball. I don't need alcohol to have fun with friends. It's just so damn stupid. Seriously, come on guys. I don't know, I just think there's a difference being alcohol in a specific context, and just doing dumb stuff. This is dumb stuff. Anyways, sorry about my little rant. Can't wait to watch the 24 season finale tomorrow morning (I taped it). Hope everyone is well.

Retrospective

Exactly one year ago right now, I was sitting at the Eagan Regal watching Star Wars after 6 months of anticipation, and 6 hours of waiting in line. That was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. I just thought, in my capacity as resident Star Wars geek, that I had to mention that. I titled this post retrospective, because I thought it might be nice to retrospect on my second year of college. So, in no particular order, here are the events, people, ideas, and activities that have made this year what it was, and made me who I am.

1- Trombone- I've continued to play trombone, and hopefully improve. I think I took it more seriously this year, even though I may not have practiced quite as much. In any case, my musical horizons have definitely been expanded and my capacity to fulfill those horizons markedly improved. The world of jazz is on the brink of being explored this summer, and it's going to be fun. Hand in hand with trombone is my entering of the "inner circle" of trombone players here at Luther. And I must say, imitating Dr. Smith is one of the funniest things you can possibly do.

2- Newfound Friends- I cultivated a group of friends at Luther other than my roommate, who I actively spent time with and felt comfortable being myself with. These include, Benjamin, Klein, Michael, Jeannette, and Mexican Kate, just to name a few. I think my most valued friendships continue to be with Benjamin and Klein. Good good people, even though one of them does a lot of stupid stuff. I'm going to miss those two more than anything next year.

3- Academic Study of Music- This year marked my entrance into the academic study of music. Let me break it down. Piano was fun, theory was fine, and ear training made me want to shoot myself.

4- Concert Band- Concert Band continued to be the way I defined myself in the midst of a rapidly changing world. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with last year's Japan tour, but the LCCB is definitely the most important aspect of my musical life at Luther, and I feel very honored to be able to play in it. I will miss it a lot.

5- High Class Party- The high class party, held on March 11, was just a lot of fun. It also led me to having a huge bottle of vodka in my room for the rest of the semester (yes, it's still there).

6- Swing Dancing- I got myself into the swing dance community at Luther, and actively partook of it, which was a lot of fun. I've found that I really enjoy swing dancing, and would really like to expand my improvisational skills in the lindy style. I'm looking forward to years and years to come of some soul moving swinging.

7- The College Life- I use this term to describe the cliche college activity of alcohol consumption. I have definitely indulged in alcohol this year, and although most of the times in moderation, a couple times went pretty bad. The night that Benjamin, Scott, and I spent in his dad's basement is a good example of what not to do.

8- New Entertainments- With the absence of a Star Wars movie to look forward to with ridiculous anticipation, I found new ways to amuse myself. Probably most significant are the TV shows Seinfeld and 24. I'd highly recommend both of them.

9- Women- As usual, my romantic life has been a bust. Failed with both the dark haired and blonde oboe girls (the blond one was a mistake though), which pretty much continues my track record of not being successful. But you know, I am really not feeling too bad about it. I don't know, I just feel that my life is headed in the right direction, whichever direction that is, and that God will do something special soon (regarding a special girl). And you know, it's really not worth it to chase all these ramdom girls who really don't make you feel as comfortable as a real special girl does. So you know, I think I can wait a little longer. Things have to look up eventually. As this blog has mentioned before, there's a very intriguing girl going to England. Which leads into...

10- Nottingham- Yes, I am officially spending next academic year in England. Nottingham, to be precise. Man, it was a difficult decision. And it was an important decision too, as it was the first big decision that I made against the wishes of my parents (well, my mom). She now supports me, but she was not too pleased when I first decided to go. And understandably, because a lot is at risk, in terms of music and such. But man, it's time for me to go do something. Something real and exciting. It's time for me to do the things that I've always wanted to do, and not just wish for them to happen, even if it means sacrifice. And man, this trip does require sacrifice. I'm leaving my school, my music (well, at Luther), and most importantly, the people that I care about most to chase a dream. But who knows where this dream will take me. I think it's going to take me someplace really great.

So yeah, there's a top 10 of sorts. Anyways, it's senior week here at Luther, which basically means everyone is drunk all the time. I went to a party last night, then went on the band canoe trip today. It was fun. I don't think I'm going to stay for graduation on Sunday. I really want to see Emily and Laura graduate, but they really have no need of me, and I am really at the point where I want to be done. Benjamin is quite adamant that I stay though, and given that this is the last time we'll have to hang out at Luther for over a year, I'm tempted to stay. But I think I'm going to leave after the concert on Saturday. We'll see. Anyways, hope everyone is well.

Finals Week

It's finals week here. I've completed my chemistry paper (both parts), my ear training sight singing exam, as well as my introduction to the New Testament written final. All that remains is the theory final and the ear training dictation final. In 24 hours, my 2005-2006 academic career at Luther college will be completed. However, I will be remaining on campus until Sunday for band related activities. We have a big showcase concert on Saturday, and I'm sticking around on my own free will to play for graduation on Sunday. I don't have to, but I really want to see Emily and other friends graduate. It'll be nice to play with Benjamin one more time too. So yeah, people are moving out. I'm not going to lie, right now I really just want to go home. Conversely though, I am always aware that this is the last time I am going to be a full time student here for a year, and that definitely is causing some emotions to flow. Because well, I like Luther. I like the people at Luther, and I'm going to miss my friends. I hope they don't think I'm running away from them, or from my life at Luther. I'm not. I'm embarking on a new adventure. Hopefully gain some more friends. Not as replacements, but as additional. Gosh, still mesmerized by the mysterious girl who is going to England. I spotted her in the cafet today. I think she may have caught me as I was putting my tray away. Meaning, I think she recognized me and looked at me or something. I don't know, she's a girl who I think is going to be cool. The fact is though, I most likely will not see her until I show up at the airport on September 10th. And I don't want to spend the whole summer thinking about her. But I was talking with a friend of mine from the northern suburbs who is going to England, and we were talking that maybe me and her, and the mysterious girl (who is from Edina) could get together over the summer. Sort of to break the ice. Possibly go swing dancing? That would be sweet. Currently I'm watching some Seinfeld, delaying studying for the theory test. Although, the theory test is one of those test's that you can't really study for, you just have to know it. My friends are grilling steak tonight. I don't think they have enough for me, but it'll be fun just to hang out for a bit. Okay, everyone remember to tune in for the 2 hour season finale of 24 on Monday. It's going to be intense. What a great show. I have to get a season before I head to England to watch over there. Anyways, hope everyone is well.

5 More Days...

One year ago, it was only 5 more days until Episode III came out. Isn't it strange how much things change in a year. Revenge of the Sith is on in my dorm, and it just got me thinking. Man, I was hardcore last year. I had a Jedi robe custom made. It was all worth it. No regrets. What a great experience that was in self-definition. I mean, really. You really have to know something about yourself to be comfortable waiting in line for 6 hours in a Jedi robe. Anyways, what's in the news. I went to this Nottingham dinner tonight, where some people from last year talked about their experiences, and what we should know. Junk like that. Starting to get excited, I'm not going to lie. You all knew this was coming. The next evaluation of what the mysterious girl is like. I happened to sit across from her at the dinner. I don't know how to describe her really, in a physical sense. I think she's beautiful. Not hot. I don't know, she just looks beautiful. No other way to describe it. She seems very very quiet. I'm pretty sure the only words she said all evening were thanks, no thanks, and business (in response to what her major was). Oh yeah, and that she had to be back by 7 to watch the series finale of The West Wing. I don't know, I kept kind of glancing at her. I don't know if that was returned or anything, but that's relevant. She's one of those people that sort of moves their lips around when they're not doing anything. One of those personality tics, like me playing with my glasses or rubbing my lips. It was just noticeable. I don't know, in sum, the experience really makes me want to get to know her. She seems like a really cool girl. Some of the other people on the trip don't seem so cool. But a couple of them do. I spent a bulk of the day intensely writing a chemistry paper. I think it turned out really good. My friend proofread it and said it was quite solid. So, I'm encouraged by that. It's about the debate surrounding the use of DDT in malaria control. Anyways, it was a good weekend. It was a productive weekend, especially with that paper being completed. Friday night was the jazz orchestra party, which basically entailed a bunch of us sitting around drinking Miller High Life Light. It was pretty disgusting beer, but it was a fun time. JC came (the interim jazz director), and even though I thought it would be awkward, it was really cool. He's a really cool guy. He was good for jazz at Luther, and I'm personally really glad he came because he took the time to explain chord changes and scales to me. So, thanks. Anyways, tomorrow is going to be filled with intense studying for my religion test on Tuesday. It'll be hardcore. So, wish me luck in not sucking up another relationship with a female (hopefully) and finals, and hope you all are well.

Sincerity

So, it's Sunday night right now. It's been a pretty good weekend. My past week has been pretty much consumed with the spring opera. We did "The Merry Wives of Windsor," and it went pretty well. I thought I really played well last night especially. So, I was happy with that. We had a trombone choir concert today, and that actually went pretty well. I really biffed up one of our songs, but played really well on another. Yeah, I was really pleased with one of them. Man, I was just sort of chilling out with Emily in and around the concert time. We were just sort of talking, joking about the music and stuff. We played Finlandia (by Sibelius) arranged for trombone choir. Note to any potential composers. Don't arrange Finlandia for trombone choir. I really wish I knew what inspired people to arrange music for trombone choir in the first place. Anyways, I just really felt sad that I couldn't spend more time with her. I was really sad she was not my girlfriend. I was not angry, or bitter, or depressed, or anything. Just sad. She's one of my very favorite people, and one of the best girls I've ever met. Yeah, she's wonderful. Oh well, God will lead me to whatever woman he wishes, I guess. But I wouldn't complain if it was Emily. Not in the least. I went to Focus tonight (student led Christian worship). To be honest, I initially wanted to go to perhaps run into the mysterious Nottingham girl. No luck there, but the pastor gave a great message about being on the move. It really spoke to me, as I am going to be traveling to Europe next year. So yeah, it was interesting. I think it'll be a good year. I hope the mysterious girl is cool. Anyways, I've lost my train of thought. I hope everyone is well.

Life as I Know It

I highly recommend this album for all you jazz lovers out there. I purchased it as a part of my little two CD jazz spree, that hopefully launched my future in-depth jazz collection. It's some awesome stuff. Hmm, ran into a small bout of personal reflection about my friendships from high school again tonight. Not that it happens a lot or anything, but when it happens, it happens. I was sort of looking around facebook at my friend's profiles, and what was going on with their lives. And I got to thinking, "Holy crap, my life is on a completely different plane than that of my closest friends." In keeping with my recent fascination with lists (see below), here are the reasons I have isolated.

1- My best friends are getting married, and thus, are in completely different emotional states
2- My friends all seem to be gravitating towards the sciences, which are a far cry from my decidedly humanities based interests (i.e. music, history, etc, etc, etc)
3- I just seem.... different, in terms of so many things
4- I'm geographically isolated

There are probably more. I don't know, I'm not saying that I've grown apart, I just think there is a potential for some severe misunderstandings and misinterpretations this summer. I hope not, but I know I am the odd man out. Still can't seem to get my mind off the mysterious girl that is going to Nottingham. I spotted her tonight, in the caf, eating something, as I was putting my tray away and departing. As far as I can tell, there are about 3 outcomes for this strange set of emotions.

1- It's like something out of "When Harry Met Sally," and I am instantly attracted to her because she is my soulmate, even though neither of us know each other.
2- The usual bit with me and women - disasterous attempts to befriend and woo, ultimately ending in failure.
3- It's just curiousity of the unknown, and nothing happens. Possibly become friends, possibly not.

Any option besides 2 would be wonderful.