Same Old, Same Old

In terms of the pursuit of the enigma girl, I think an old foe has been encountered. Namely that of the more interesting guy. It's becoming increasingly clear that the enigma is drawn to the cheese guy who so tormented me in the caf line last spring. Maybe drawn is too strong a word, but it's clear he is definitely more interesting, and she spends a lot of time with him talking. Whilst all the while, I just sort of sit around, obtuse, awkward, odd, unable to make any sort of coherent statement, etc, etc, etc. I don't know, I don't think I'm that disinteresting. Just not very open with the things I feel am interesting about me. Very much an introvert, who needs to be approached. It's just a tired game, this business of conflicted emotions, lost girls, feeling powerless, etc, etc, etc. There's another girl in the flat who I think is pretty nice and such, but she's so hard to talk to. Very hard to get through to. I feel bad, because a lot of people here don't like her, and though I can sort of understand why, she's definitely getting pushed towards the fringes. Just a little frustrated right now. Plus, the fact that I'm sick, and randomly burst into fits of coughing adds to my current self image as being small and pathetic, as well as completely unattractive. In addition, I'm a little homesick. Not to the extent that I'm going to actually consider leaving, but I do want to go home. I miss America, even with all the stuff that sucks. People at home, we bitch all the time about the politics, and the healthcare system, and Iraq, and you can go on and on and on. But even the most socialist of you, I think after you've spent nearly 3 months in a foreign land, even one so similar, and you'll start to realize what's so good. I know I do. It's just one of those nights fraught with self pity I think, which is okay. Everyone has nights like this. The enigma situation is disheartening though, I must admit. When is someone going to come along that finds me as interesting and cool as the cheese guy? Who knows.