I can't believe I'm admitting this publicly, but I teared up watching this movie. At the very end, where Sugiyami-san is teaching is wife to dance in his backyard. What better portrait of love? A man dancing with his wife, the woman of his dreams. I don't know what else to say, it's just such an intense image. Anyways, the poignancy of the moment just got to me. I highly recommend this film.

Hipness

I felt like a hipster today. I was wearing Gap jeans, an American Eagle polo shirt, a blazer, and Puma shoes. So yeah, don't exactly know how I felt about that. I'm all for looking good, but I don't want to look like something out of an Abercrombie catalog. Once again, I noticed just how many gay men are singers here. It's not like there's anything wrong with that, it's just an interesting phenomenon. Right now I'm watching the Japanese version of Shall We Dance. It's the original. And I must say, I think I like it better than the American version. I do miss Richard Gere something terrible, but the Japanese actor is very good. If they could just have Richard in a supporting role, it would be perfect. Plus some of the American jokes. This movie makes me miss Japan really intensely. It's sad, but I don't know how long, if ever, it will be until I return to Japan. Study abroad there just is not possible. But, hopefully, after college, if I get a chance to travel, I will book a straight shot to Tokyo. And I will go all the places that I was, and so many more. And maybe I can somehow repay Chie for her kindness, and bring something of worth for Keito. Rather than just a photo book of Minnesota. It's getting brisk outside down here. I'm enjoying it. I don't know how many of you realize it, but I am a cold weather man. I do enjoy heat, but I thrive in winter. At one point I was a heck of a skier. Well, I suppose I still am. It's like riding a bike. I was put on skis when I was 4, and was skiing in the Rockies before I was 10. But I haven't been able to get out much lately. Just too busy, and then college sort of screws stuff up. I hope I can go out with my dad to Vail again sometime during college. Man I want to dance. Speaking of dancing, I'm going to a swiing dance up in Northfield tomorrow night, then staying at home for the weekend. I'm not terribly excited about being home again, but I need to work. I mean, I like being home, I like seeing my friends very much, but I need to be at college, and be on my own more. I've sort of become a tea drinker. I drank a lot of it in Japan of course, and I guess I just sort of kept drinking it. I really like green tea. Same thing happened with rice. And beer. Ha, no, not really. Although, when I become of age, I'm going to look far and wide for Kirin. Anyways, situation with Kathleen is the usual. Not going anywhere. this ridiculousness needs to stop. Just go talk to her. The thing is, that's not really the problem this time. It's all about timing. I never see her outside of band. Ever. That is a problem. I hope she'll save a dance for me at the Flamingo Ball. Well, I hope I'll have the guts to ask her. I think I will though. I'm getting better in that aspect. Anyways, I need to focus on the movie. It's the big dance off at the end. Hope everyone is doing well.

Dance

I watched Shall We Dance tonight, with Richard Gere. Apparently, Luther owns the Japanese version, but someone has it checked out until October 4th. Lame. Everytime I see this movie, it just makes me both want to dance more, and love Richard Gere more. I'm really not gay. I just think he's a great actor. And a good dancer. I resolved tonight (before I watched the movie), that next summer, I want to take ballroom dance lessons. Like, lessons where I learn from a real dance instructor. I think it'd be a lot of fun. I really want to learn to waltz and tango. I don't know what else to say. I had an uneventful day. Ate breakfast with dad, did homework, practiced the trombone and piano, ate, went to Wal-Mart, came back, worked on a history paper, went to mock trial, watched the movie. I purchased the film As Good As It Gets for $7 at Wal-Mart. I don't know if any of you have seen it, but I highly recommend it. It's with Jack Nicholson, and it's awesome. It's very thoughtful, touching, funny, etc, etc, etc. So, what else, I played a jazz thing last night. It went well. Not nearly as well as the Jazz Orchestra, but that was to be expected. I got to dance for a bit, so that was fun. Emily was there, and I always enjoy her presence. I gazed longingly and wistfully at Kathleen from across the cafet for a couple seconds. Not in a creepy way, I don't think. Sort of like how Richard always gazes at Jennifer Lopez in the window from the train. I know, I know, but that's the movie that's freshest in my memory. I'd say when Han Solo gazes at Princess Leia before being lowered into the carbonite freezing chamber, but that was a two way sustained gaze. I got Kathleen's screen name off this facebook thing, but I have made a vow not to use it. Any sort of friendship/relationship that begins on the internet in that fashion, when it would be feasible to just talk to the individual in person is just ridiculous. I will not fall into that trap. I want to know that girl, so badly. Yeah, remember how I said I wanted to lose weight? I'm definitely not holding up to my program too well so far. It's not like I'm gaining weight, I'm just not living up to my standards. It's going to be a busy couple weeks here at Luther, I can sense it. Which could be good or bad, I suppose. I just hope I can stay on top of everything. Eh, rarg. The other day, a friend of mine got into a religious debate with me. And I don't know, I felt very uncomfortable, because I didn't feel as if my views were being respected at all. It was very pressuring, and this individual did not want to hear what I had to say. And that was unfair, because I felt I was listening to his ideas with a very open mind, and not getting the same in return. I really don't know how to approach this subject with this guy, because it's a very close friend of mine. But, I don't need to have my religious beliefs disrespected, assaulted, and just generally trod upon in that manner. I don't judge his. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Heroism

I'm watching a show on the History Channel about D-Day right now. And this guy is talking about how out of 30 people on his amphibious landing vehicle, he was the only one to get off it alive. Oh man, World War II was so intense. The young men and women who fought in that conflict, now those are heroes. True heroes. Can you imagine, being in a cold, wet, cramped landing ship, knowing, that when those doors open, there is a very good chance you will die? But even with that knowledge, charging out anyways? Look at this photo. This is what men faced. WWII was so important. The Allies were battling for freedom, battling to extinguish tyranny and hatred, battling for so many noble things. I mean, it's not like the Germans or the Japanese were inherently bad, but I'm a member of an Allied nation, so I'm sort of socialized to think this way. But, I am objective in that way. Just, gosh, I can't imagine running out on that beach. The courage of those men is unbelievable. I just can't believe how brave they were. Or manning a gun on a battleship in the Pacific, with kamikazes flying at you and dozens of other warships attempting to destroy you. I am really not being articulate here. But this show is making me think, if I was called by my country to battle tyranny, how would I react? Would I face death so nobly as those American, Canadian, and British men who stormed the Normandy beaches? I can only hope so. I can only hope that my actions would honor God, my loved ones, and my country. My grandpa that died before I was born fought in the Pacific. He originally was a gunner on a bomber, but then he became a sailor of some sort on a destroyer, I do believe. He must have been a very brave man. I wish I had known him. I've been thinking a lot about war today. And I know I sort of glorified warfare in this post. War is horrible, people die, people get blown up, people do terrible things. And horrors that I can't even imagine. No one wants to be in a war, or have to fight one. And I hope the world can reach a point where war will be no more. But in my mind, I think if there ever was a "just war," if there is such a thing, it was World War II. My philosophy class definitely made me think over when or if it is just to kill anyone, be it war or anything else. My ultra liberal professor used a Socratic dialogue with a conservative student about the war in Iraq. And, I don't know. If I was called to fight in Iraq, I don't know if I would go. I don't know if I think it's just anymore. I'm becoming more liberal. I mean no disrespect to the American servicemen and women who are bravely facing the insurgents of course. I think they must have the same strength of character and courage as the men of World War II. Basically, men and women who fight for our country just blow my mind. Individuals so selfless, that they would run off that boat, knowing that if they live, they help restore freedom. And if they die, they die in the service and protection of an ideal they cherish enough to lay down their life for. So intense. Not nearly as intense as that, I am looking seriously into studying in Nottingham for a whole year. Living in an English flat, studying, traveling, etc, etc, etc. I really want to do it. I want to immerse myself in a culture, live as the locals do, get a wider appreciation of the world. I'm meeting with the coordinator about it tomorrow. I hope it works out. I'm out.

Heroism

I'm watching a show on the History Channel about D-Day right now. And this guy is talking about how out of 30 people on his amphibious landing vehicle, he was the only one to get off it alive. Oh man, World War II was so intense. The young men and women who fought in that conflict, now those are heroes. True heroes. Can you imagine, being in a cold, wet, cramped landing ship, knowing, that when those doors open, there is a very good chance you will die? But even with that knowledge, charging out anyways? WWII was so important. The Allies were battling for freedom, battling to extinguish tyranny and hatred, battling for so many noble things. I mean, it's not like the Germans or the Japanese were inherently bad, but I'm a member of an Allied nation, so I'm sort of socialized to think this way. But, I am objective in that way. Just, gosh, I can't imagine running out on that beach. The courage of those men is unbelievable. I just can't believe how brave they were. Or manning a gun on a battleship in the Pacific, with kamikazes flying at you and dozens of other warships attempting to destroy you. I am really not being articulate here. But this show is making me think, if I was called by my country to battle tyranny, how would I react? Would I face death so nobly as those American, Canadian, and British men who stormed the Normandy beaches? I can only hope so. I've been thinking a lot about war today. My philosophy class definitely made me think over when or if it is just to kill anyone, be it war or anything else. My ultra liberal professor used a Socratic dialogue with a conservative student about the war in Iraq. And, I don't know. If I was called to fight in Iraq, I don't know if I would go. I don't know if I think it's just anymore. I'm becoming more liberal. I mean no disrespect to the American servicemen and women who are bravely facing the insurgents of course. I think they must have the same strength of character and courage as the men of World War II. Basically, men and women who fight for our country just blow my mind. Individuals so selfless, that they would run off that boat, knowing that if they live, they help restore freedom. And if they die, they die in the service and protection of an ideal they cherish enough to lay down their life for. So intense. Not nearly as intense as that, I am looking seriously into studying in Nottingham for a whole year. Living in an English flat, studying, traveling, etc, etc, etc. I really want to do it. I want to immerse myself in a culture, live as the locals do, get a wider appreciation of the world. I'm meeting with the coordinator about it tomorrow. I hope it works out. I'm out.

The Return of the Swing

Tonight, I went swing dancing. For those of you who don't recall, I went swing dancing every Thursday night this summer. While I was in the country, of course. Anyways, swing club met here. I actually learned a new variation on east coast, and got to do some really fun dancing at the end with Emily. She's the Star Wars trombone girl. I mean, we danced for like, 2 minutes, but it was just so invigorating and fun. Like, I didn't have to worry about screwing up, or having her screw up and flip out. It's just so much more fun dancing with friends. That's right, friends. She's a friend I think now. Which is good. I'm looking forward to spending a couple weekends here on campus. Just being able to chill out, get some stuff done, etc, etc, etc. Next Friday, I think I'm going to go with the Luther swing club up to Carleton to go dancing for the night. It sounds like fun. Anyways, I gave blood today. I always feel like a very helpful person after giving blood. It's so easy, and it can save people's lives. You all should go give blood. I don't know what else to say that's useful right now. I talked to Natalie, and as always, that was a pleasure. I miss Scott a lot, I can't lie. Yeah. Don't know what else to talk about. Hope everyone is having a good day.

Avast Ye Scurvy Bilge Rats, Arrrrr

That's right, today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I did celebrate it, to an extent. I did talk like a pirate for a bit. It was fun. Today, I fell asleep on my couch for an hour, reading Socrates. I really got pissed off, because I hate taking naps. It just seems like such a waste of time, when I could be doing something productive. So, that sucked. I practiced my trombone, did some ear training, finally did finish my philosophy. I went to Marty's, and was throughly disappointed with the café mocha I purchased. It wasn't very hot, and wasn't mixed well. So, lame. I could have done better. Today, they mowed the grass here at Luther. I can't lie, I really enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass. I just like mowing lawns in general. I don't know, it's mindless labor, and it gives you time to be outside, think, and just sort of chill out for a while. Yeah, I realize not many people see mowing the lawn as a time to "chill out," but I think it is. It's peaceful. I was thinking today, about what I might want to do with my life. As in, what sort of experiences I want to have. I'd really enjoy studying abroad for a semester. In fact, you could rightly say I feel very strongly about it. I'm thinking of either doing Japan, France, or the year program in Nottingham. So, we'll see how that all goes. Ben is going to Spain in January, and Jacob is going to Germany for a semester. Man, that sounds like fun. I mean, I so wish I could have spent that much time in France when I went. Of course, I shouldn't complain. I've been given so many great opportunities to travel thus far. But I'd really like to do an immersion experience, living with a family or in a city, and just having to make it. Hopefully next year. I also think I'd like living in New York City for a while. Going there this summer really opened my eys to the simple beauties of that city. Like Central Park, or just being in such a vibrant community. I think I'd really enjoy that. What would be awesome, is if I could get a job playing in the pit of a musical on Broadway. Live in New York, play for a musical, explore the city, meet people, that would be wonderful. This goes back a topic or so, but I've thought about how cool it would be to meet my wife in France. I mean, a Frenchwoman turning out to be my wife, as opposed to meeting another American in Paris. That would be really cool. Women, so difficult to deal with. By that, I mean hard for me to deal with. I saw Kathleen again today, as usual. And as usual, we just sort of waved, and I gave her a stupid smile. Ah, she is definitely my dream girl right now. A beautiful, oboe playing, Christian, super nice girl. Too bad she's not French. Ha, no no, just kidding. You all get it. I finally retrieved my Listerine from Scott's car this weekend. So, that was exciting. I seem to have lost my Japanese bandanna that my host family gave to me in Utsonomiya. I really hope I can find it. Also, I got some new photos to hang up in the room. I have some Impressionist painting prints that I got at the Musée d'Orsay in Paris, and some photos of the Tour d'Eiffel and the Arc de Triomphe. See a pattern? I don't know, I just found them, and they were cool. Anyways, I'm out. Hope all is well.

Strange

Isn't it strange how one misfortunate occurance can ruin a long lasting friendship? And isn't it also strange that you rarely find a gay trombonist, or gay trumpeter, but always find gay singers? I was pondering these two things today. I was in the music building, and it suddenly hit me how a vast majority of homosexual music people are singers. It's not like there's anything wrong with that, just sort of strange. Or if they're in band, they tend to play clarinet or something. Odd.

Another Failure, sort of

So, I was walking through the cafet today with my tray, surveying the territory for the rare chance that I might see someone I know to sit with. I usually eat alone. So anyways, i got to my end of the room, and as I approach a table, I star thinking to myself, "Man, that girl on the other end looks dangerously familiar...." As I was in the process of sitting down, I notice it's Kathleen, the oboist. Sitting alone. And of course, like the loser I am, I didn't go down and sit by her. Again. And this time, we're actually full fledged acquaintances. But, the story doesn't end. Anyways, we make eye contact, and acknowledge each other's presence with a wave. Then she's like, "I have a question to ask you," and gets up and walks down. Of course, I'm hoping this question is like, "Hey, do you want to spend a romantic evening with me, or go hang out sometime?" It wasn't, needless to say. She apparently was looking around on that stupid facebook thing, and noticed that I was linked to a girl she went to high school with. And she was curious how I knew this individual, since her high school is like, 2 hours north of where I live. It was Kate's roommate at Augsburg, a girl I sort of knew through TEC, back when I was associated with that, and I did go swing dancing with her once. So, yeah. I asked her why she was eating alone, she said she was waiting for someone, but got ditched. And of course, like a loser, I continued to sit at my end of the table. So, it was a failure, but not a complete one. Beyond that, I had a busy day. I spent like 3 hours doing history today. It really got boring. Went to jazz band, practiced ear training, went to a mock trial meeting. Yeah, I'm doing it again. Don't exactly know how I feel about that, but it's so ingrained in me, I just keep begging for more, I suppose. I just hope I have enough time. If I don't, I will have to quit. I don't want to jeapordize my grades or practice time for mock trial. I got up early today, and worked out. Well, lifted weights. My arms feel like they're going to fall off now. I definitely am feeling the lack of training over the summer, let's put it that way. My day was really pretty humdrum. Work out, breakfast, sectional, philosophy, lunch, ear training, history homework, dinner, jazz band, practice, mock trial, practice, homework, watching movies and Seinfeld in the room. It just felt very full. I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow, and just having some relaxation time. Seeing old friends. Hopefully seeing Gottwig. In case you don't know, Gottwig was my high school band director, and one of the best people I have ever come in contact with. Just, it is so hard to explain the impact that man had on me. Can't put it into my words. To try to generalize it, he's just one of my very favorite people. Ever. Anyways, that's that. I hope everyone is doing well.

Rarg

Rarg is a word I created in high school. I like it. It has many uses. I am quite frustrated with my trombone playing. I just am not doing as well as I would like. I want to be a good player, and this wall I'm at is irritating. And I don't know, I don't want to be good as a result of any weird pressures on me. I want to be good because I personally want to be good. I will just have to keep practicing. Persevere! Oh man, I want to go swing dancing. To quote what I just said to Myra, if we want to get technical, I want to go swing dancing with Kathleen the oboist. Yes, we crossed paths today outside the music building. She did remember my name, so that's always a positive sign. Gah, women. Why do they exist solely to confound the male gender? Ha, that's not true, but you get the jit. Women have innumerable reasons for existence besides confounding men. Like running New Zealand. The hilarious thing is that I keep writing about a woman I haven't even spoken 100 words to in my whole life. I've taken it upon myself to lose weight. Once again, there are no outside factors pressuring me on this. I mean, I've always been a bit overweight, and it never has prevented me from engaging in activity that I enjoy or anything like that. But I don't know, I feel I'd just be more pleased with myself if I was at a lower weight. My goal is just to have a normal, healthy weight and a regular body shape. I think it's doable. Just have to keep up the flow of will power. My plan, thus far, is to only lunch on salad, work out twice a week, and try and limit consumption after about 9 or 10 o'clock, in addition to general meal consciousness. So, we'll see how that goes. Hopefully it's successful. I talked with an individual tonight who did not have an enjoyable evening. And I don't know, I certainly didn't help ease their pain with any insightful nuggets of wisdom. It's a situation that I am bound to secrecy about. But, basically, I just wanted to tell this individual to take control of their life, and rid it of the things that causes these intense issues, and don't look back. I mean, of course we will always have things that cause us problems. That's life. But I think if there's something that is causing you pain, and it can be remedied, you have to look out for your well being, buckle down, face the fear of change, and just go through it. That's my philosophy, at least, that I try to follow. I don't always succeed, but I don't think I've ever been in a situation that I would consider to be particularly dire. So, anyways, that's my thing on that. Man, I feel so busy these past few days. I wake up, then just keep going all day, until about 10 at night. I don't like it, but I have to continue to get my stuff done. Man, we got some difficult jazz band music today. Currently, I'm watching Hitch in my room. I would recommend it to you, readers of the blog. It's pretty funny. It's just the right balance of romance and mainstream that allows you to watch it without having a label attached.

Sitcoms

I'm not usually a fan of TV sitcoms. I've never been a big TV watcher in general. I like the Late Show with David Letterman very much, but I don't actually watch it that much. I really liked Everybody Loves Raymond and Becker, and used to watch them in high school all the time. But in general, not a big TV fan. However, something has enlightened me. I discovered Seinfeld on TBS. I became so enthralled, I bought Season 4 on DVD. Holy crap, it is so funny. It doesn't have a point, but that's why I like it so much. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh. "The Contest" is an especially funny episode. It's about a contest to see who can remain "master of your domain." Hilarious. So, the trombone is such an ungodly difficult instrument. It's so hard to play it well. And I definitely am not playing it to the capability I want to. I just wish I could master the art of embuchure, then the rest would be a lot easier. Just have to be persistent, and it will be conquered. So, the same old same old with the oboe girl. No progress. Seems to be the story of my life. In another female story, I was walking to band, and I noticed a friend of mine on crutches. She apparently sprained like, both her feet jumping off a recyling bin or something. So, I slowly plodded along in 30 mph winds and near horizontal rains, opening doors for this temporarily handicapped young woman. It was so windy and rainy out. I seriously thought we were like, on the brink of a tornado when I looked out my window. Anyways, I'm not going to comment on any emotions I felt for the girl, because she's just a friend. Or rather, like, in between an acquaintance and a friend. It's not like I call her every day to go hang out, but it's not like I have no idea who she is either. Eh, women. I need to find a way to interact with Kathleen. She's so nice. I'm talking with Natalie now. It's always so pleasant talking with her. She gave me some sound advice on some stuff I've been thinking about. I don't know what else to write about. It was a busy day. Oh yeah, I had a heart wrenching experience in ear training today. The teacher assigned songs 78 and 80, but she told me and this other girl to sing 79. So, I had to sight read it! Horrors. Thank God it was in bass clef, I was able to do it. That's my day. Hope it's interesting.

Stupidity

I am so stupid. Just, rage, I don't know how to explain myself. I went on a walk with Ben and Jacob, out on a back road around Decorah. And, I don't know. I just didn't say anything, when there was so much I wanted to talk about with them. Especially Kathleen. Damn it, why does this always happen to me? Why does it always happen, without fail? I meet a girl I really like, and instantly, like that (snaps fingers), I become so embroiled in all these mentally projected horrific scenarios. For example, "She's so well liked and wonderful, she'll never want to do anything with me. I'm so boring." Or the perennial favorite, "I don't know how to approach her." Seriously man, this is exactly what you were warned about. You get so captivated, that your whole life becomes captive to this strange sense of something in your mind. You become so freaked out about making contact with someone that you don't make any contact at all. Why can't you just look at her as a human being, a fellow sister in Christ, just another person, albeit an interesting one? Why do you instantly have to apply this label of "liked girl" and suddenly lose all sense of logic? It's so lame. You have this amazing girl who has sort of kind of come into your life, and instead of just getting to know her, being friendly, you flip out. It's so lame. And then when you want to talk about it with your best friends, you flip out again. Man, this is stupid. I wish my life could be easy as some of the people I know. When they want to get to know someone better, they have the ability to just go up and talk to them. It's no problem to them. But, I suppose, we all have our struggles in life. This is mine. I've never been in a relationship, and I know part of the reason is because of this weird funk that I always inevitably fall into. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to express myself the way I want to. But like, I have no idea on how to approach her. No idea at all. This just gives you an idea of how socially inept I am. I don't even know what to say to someone to just make casual conversation. Much less gain a friend. I need to stop this dissertation in self pity. I need to go to sleep, get up early, and be productive. And get this crap out of my head. Anyways, I'm frustrated with myself. But other than that, it was a pretty good day, I guess. Except I spent like $46 buying music. Oh well, Benjamin spent almost $100. It always can be worse.

Remembering

I took this photo when I was in New York City this June, at the World Trade Center site. I don't know, I saw it written on a makeshift wooden wall on a walkway near the site, and it just struck me very strongly. Really gave weight to the moment, I guess. Later on, I had the opportunity to visit a chuch right by the towers, that sort of served as an unofficial resting place for rescue workers. And man, I don't know, the tragedy that was 9/11 hit me then. Really, what sort of person, what sort of heart must you have to run into those towers, knowing full well that your death may lie ahead, but still going ahead to try and save people? How selfless must you be? How brave must you be? A lot braver and a lot more selfless than I am. Gosh, I remember distincly, walking into Mrs. Lund's American History class after marching band, looking at the TV, and just seeing this shot of Manhattan covered in smoke. Absolutely covered. And no one really knew what had happened yet. I just remember being very frightened for those people. And for myself, I guess. But when I actually got to travel to the World Trade Center site this summer, it gave a whole new dimension to it. So many deaths, so many selfless acts, so many heroes as well. And all for such a senseless act of hatred. But, tragic things happen, I guess. It doesn't mean we have to like it though. I don't know, just, I hope everyone took a moment to remember 9/11 today, both the civillians and the rescue workers who took the ultimate risk. I went to Focus tonight. Probably the first time I've gone to a worship service at college since about February of last year. And you know, it was good for me. I got so flipped out at lunch. I ate with Benjamin and Michael, and they were both talking about how hot Kathleen was, and how they wanted to "jump on that." And about some other religion/music guy who wants to mack on her. And I just get so nervous, because I think of all those other people can offer her, that I can't. I'm so introspective, and shy, and just, rarg, that I don't know how such a wonderful girl could want to do stuff with me. And this is the stupid part. I haven't even talked with her since the trip. And neither has anyone else. So, in effect, I get freaked out over nothing at all. Man I am stupid. Just sometimes, I feel as if I am just alone in this big ocean of blah. I don't know what other word to use except for blah. So anyways, that's why I needed some God today. I need to start going to chuch regularly. I really do. My life has just been so sort of, drifting without it. But, faith is an issue that I don't really want to discuss here right now. So, breakdown of the day, wake up, eat lunch, get flipped out about Kathleen, practice, get pissed off at trombone, do history, eat dinner, practice piano and ear training, continue to think about oboe girl, go to a tuba recital, go to church, practice trombone more, return, write this. Fun day.

Elaborations

I wrote a short post previously about elaborating on some emotions stirred this weekend. Anyways, I had the opportunity to sit across from Kathleen, the oboe girl on the bus up to the Audubon Center near Sandstone. I don't know dude, I can't explain. I was captivated by her. Like, I couldn't stop looking at her. And just as a disclaimer, I'm not being creepy here. And here's the thing. I wasn't looking at her breasts, or her legs, or any particular part of her body. I just couldn't stop looking at her in general. And it really wasn't physically lustful. I just, found her to be so cool and nice and captivating and beautiful, I couldn't stop looking at her. I don't think she noticed a whole lot, but gosh. I learned a couple things about her. She is interested in Hebrew, thinking of majoring in Biblical languages, and seems to be a pretty intense Christian. She also likes Star Wars, and we both flipped out when we found out the other likes Moulin Rouge. Like, I just wanted to scream, I found her so dang enjoyable. I want to clarify to my friends, that I have a history of messing myself up emotionally by getting on this kicks with women. But I think I have a pretty even keeled perspective overall, so yeah. So yeah, that's the moral of the weekend. I was absolutely captivated by Kathleen. Like, all I want to do is go find her and talk to her. Just talk to her. And maybe ask if she wants to swing dance, but you know. And I mean, I think the theory of like, knowing your wife from the moment you see her is crap. It's a very romantic idea, but I just don't think it's the best way to go about engaging in a relationship. But I have to say, if I did follow this ideal, it would have been Kathleen. Gosh, I'm so glad I had this small opportunity to at least figure out a little of who she is. Like, we used to have a relationship where we would just acknowledge each other's existence around campus. Now we have a full fledged status of acquantaince I think. And with my social history, that's a great start. It's just another step. Next step hopefully, friendship. Like I've said repeatedly, I'm captivated by her. And I'm not captivated by her body, it's by her. And it feels great. I think it's so cool that she actually has an active faith. Ha, I should talk. My own faith is so much in just shambles right now. I have to be honest, it is. I still believe, but I don't act it. I don't make a conscious effort to go to church. I try to remember to pray, but it's hard. I don't read the Bible. It's a load of crap, and it's something I need to seriously examine in my life. Examining how I want my faith to work in my life, and how my life needs to work with my faith. But I admire faith so much in others. And I really admire it in Kathleen, a girl I barely know. But still. I know I probably sound like some stalker right now, but I'm not. Just, I'm full of emotion right now. I really really hope to God that I can do something with this girl. I hope I can get to know her. I hope she enjoys my presence. I hope, I hope, I hope. I hope a lot of things. But I really hope this.

AARRGGHHHH!

Dude, intense feelings were stirred on my band retreat this weekend. Seriously, like, I will detail this phenomenon later on today with more detail. But, I'm going to go to the band get-together for a while. Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm just posting this because I think this photo is funny. Let's just say I was really bored one night this summer.... So, it rained today. So, I had to walk across campus to the philosophy building in the rain. Needless to say, I got wet. Other than that, today was just sort of humdrum. I, as usual, had a nervewracking 45 minutes in ear training. Man, I hate ear training. I had my first jazz band rehearsal today, which was fun. I love Tony Guzman. If you don't know, he's the jazz guy here, and he rocks my world. And it's fun, because I'm so much better this year than last, so I can contribute more. And I can tell he trusts me to contribute, because I have a bunch of solos in the pieces he gave us. Anyways, I sit next to this first year kid who like, thinks he is all that on trombone. I think I put him back in his place a little tonight, because I played well. I shouldn't let my pride get to me like that. Strike that statement from the record. But anyways, I didn't get to practice today, which irritated me. If I want to continue to play at a high level, I need to practice every day. I can't get complacent, I need to keep at it. Oh well, I guess we always have a few lapses. The time I should have been practicing, I went to swing club. Which was a musical activity, so it's not like I was just whacking off or whatever. There were a ton of people there tonight. It was ridiculous. Had to be 50-60 people in the orchestra room. It was fun, knowing what I was doing, and being able to show off a little. I learned how to get in and out of the Charleston really well. I also had an opportunity to Lindy with Emily, the trombone Star Wars girl, and talk with her. I think I'm actually kindling a friendship with her, and that makes me happy. She's a great girl. Man, dancing is so fun. I love it so much. I wish more people found dancing to be a socially acceptable activity, instead of like, playing video games all the time or whatever. Speaking of video games, I've only played my Xbox once since I arrived at Luther. Once. I'm at college, in a dorm, and I've played my Xbox once. Weird. I made rice tonight, that was pleasant. I just had a good evening. I hope tomorrow goes well. We're going on this band retreat thing from tomorrow night to Saturday night. I hope it's fun, and not lame. I hope I can talk with Kathleen and Emily. Hope some good times are had with Benjamin as well. I like that kid. I think what is most significant about this year at Luther so far, is I am actually feeling at home here. Like, I know people. Girls, guys, and I can actually go up and talk to them. And I think I'm actually stepping out of my shell a little, and being more of myself. That is good. Man, this photo has made me think about the intense Star Wars marathon I'm holding in November. Man, it's going to be so awesome. Don't be fooled into thinking my passion for Star Wars has diminished just because Episode III is out of the theaters. It's just not at the forefront as much. But it still lies, simmering. Ah, may the Force be with us all indeed.

Natalie is the Hottest Babe on the Planet

Read the title, it's the truth. So, to my day. Dude, I keep running into this oboe girl. Today, I ran into her coming back from the music building. Being, her and I were walking in the same general direction. I planned on going up and initiating contact, but a different girl I know came up from behind and started talking to me. Curses. But I couldn't be rude, so my chance was foiled. Lame. But still, it's weird how I am always running into this girl, or walking past her, or whatever. It's just strange. Stranger still that I don't know a dang thing about her save her name and instrument after all these freak occurences. Man I am lame. Oh well. Holy crap, I love Iron Chef. It has to be one of Japan's greatest contributions to world culture. Especially French Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai. Man, he is the mackdaddy of anyone who dares to enter Kitchen Stadium. He owns practically everyone who challenges him like a little girl. I wish I was an Iron Chef. I swear, the greatest travesty ever filmed on TV was when Iron Chef Sakai came on the abomination that is Iron Chef America, and lost to Bobby Flay. No way does Sakai, who is practically invincible, lose to that cocky mofo. No way. The judges were obviously on crack, and the contest was rigged. It was like, a trout battle too. Sakai owns anyone, including Bobby Flay. Man, I despise ear training. It just sucks. I can't hear intervals, can't do dictation worth a crap, can't pound out two handed rhythms. It's so dumb. I know it will make me more skilled at music, but seriously. I wish I could just play my trombone, and have that be the end of it. Speaking of trombones, I really would like to get a new jazz horn, specifically a King 3B. If possible, a King 3B Silversonic. Man, that would be beautiful. But speaking of a King 3B Silversonic, Emily, the trombone Star Wars girl, has allowed me to use hers whenever we perform for jazz band. Just, wonderful. I talked with her today for a while about Episode III. She liked it, especially the way in which the forces of good and evil pulled on Anakin. She did not like it when Darth Vader yelled "No" at the end. Eh, it could have been done better, but it could have been worse. Such is the case with many things however. Man, today, I was able to sleep in until 10:15 in the morning. 10:15. Such is the advantage of block scheduling, one of the few. I wish I could write something more profound on this blog. Something that would make people think. I never seem inspired enough though. I'm reminded of a line in "You've Got Mail," where Kathleen feels very small, and is writing to her internet friend after he stood her up (sort of) at the cafe. In fact, she met Joe Fox, her enemy, when really she was looking for NY152, her internet soulmate, who are one and the same. Anyways, she writes how this little bit of nothing in her life (regarding her correspondance with Joe over the internet) means so much more than a lot of somethings. And she ends it with something really romantic like, "Goodnight dear void," sending her thoughts out into the electronic universe where she is really just a small speck of information among billions. I hope my little bit of nothing has maybe touched someone in some way. Even if it isn't a big way. I hope that through the endless examinations of my romantic issues and longing for foreign lands, someone has discovered a perspective they have not seen before. I don't know, I find this sort of communication to be very interesting, because it allows someone to see the experience of someone else free from the controls imposed by regular communication. Like, you don't have to worry about body language, or how people will physically respond, or crap like that. You can just get crap out. And yeah, it's cliche, "I have a blog." Well, why don't you just go shove your Abercrombie jeans right up your ass you neo-hipster Gen Y-er? I hope I'm not perceived of that. In any case, you'd have to shove my Hawaiian shirt or Jedi robe up my ass instead of the fancy jeans. But, you get the point. I hope I don't sound like I'm expounding just to expound. But I don't know, that's the jit. I hope my day goes well tomorrow. I hope I can capitalize with oboe girl. I hope my friends back home have a wonderful year at school. I hope I can do well in ear training. And I just hope I can keep myself sane in the strange path we call life. A strange and beautiful path.

Orchestra, and Japan

Well, the orchestra list was posted today, and I did not make it. They did not add a fourth trombone chair as they had been talking about, and Benjamin took the bass trombone spot. And I mean, I'm not disappointed, but I am a little. I'm disappointed because I really want to play in an orchestra, and just know how it goes. But like I said in the previous post, I played a very good audition. And the fact is that can't be denied, Benjamin is a better player than I am. The three best trombonists at Luther got into the orchestra, hands down, and that's how it should be. The question that is posed to me now is how to improve myself so I can enter the upper echelon of trombonists here. To a certain extent, I already am. But I want to be skilled enough to be able to play in any ensemble I wish. I think I wrote about this earlier. I want to be one of the best. This audition can only aid me in discovering my weaknesses and learning how to overcome them. It's an opportunity, and I hope I can capitalize on it as much as I capitalized on my band audition opportunity last year. Speaking of band, being around all these people has made me incredibly nostalgic about my trip to Japan. I never really talked about it much in this blog, except for the few entries I was able to actually post in Tokyo, which I encourage you to read. They can be found in the June archive. Just, a hundred little things that are so hard to explain here come rushing back, like listening to Def Tech with Keito in Kumamoto, and wandering around Kagoshima with Benjamin looking for a ramen bar. Or feeling the strange sense of peace I felt in the midst of Tokyo. Or just the sheer electric energy of some of our performances, listening to Phil cry as we played "Who Puts His Trust," and just sort of discovering the beauty and joys of a world that so few have experienced. And I mean, Japan is not perfect by any means. But it's so beautiful in such a unique and wonderful way. If every you have an opportunity to travel to Japan, I can't implore you enough to do so. And if you can somehow stay with an actual Japanese family, I doubly implore you to take up such an opportunity. I'm sure some of my most memorable experiences in my whole life have been fostered by the 33 or so hours I spent with Chie, Keito, Benjamin, and the rest of the fam in Kumamoto. Beautiful people, that's all I got to say. If any of you readers would ever like to see my photos or hear some of my experiences, I would love to share them. Seriously, please ask, I want to share them. So, I think I'm going to buy some Seinfeld DVD's. I've been watching the reruns on TBS, and I really like them. It's that weird sort of humor that I dig. Oh yeah, and back to Japan. I suggest you all go rent "Lost in Translation." That like, sums up my Japan experience, without the weird midlife crisis. Well, in Tokyo at least. Holy crap, what an amazing 2 and a half weeks of my life. Well, sort of kinda with China. That's a whole other story. I must admit, seeing Revenge of the Sith in Beijing was pretty awesome, and riding in the Chinese taxi. Ha, and the whole Luther College Concert Band either drinking or intoxicated in the Exhibition Center Hotel bar. Ridiculous. Man, what fun. Just to quell any doubts, I was not intoxicated, but I was of age in China, I think, so I did have a few drinks with the boys. Although, here's some strange info I came across after I returned. During my nighttime trek to Ginza in Tokyo, I stopped in a beer garden and had a small beer, and just sort of enjoyed the moment. I thought I was of age. However, as I returned to the US, I discovered I was not of age. But my friendly Japanese waiters didn't care, I guess. So, that's the jit. Nostalgic for Japan. Man, I can't wait to go back.

Surprises

So, I was in the library today, and I turn around, and Kate and Missy are walking toward me. I was just like, "Those girls look familiar, but they're still at home. Aren't they?" It turns out, they came down to Decorah for Kate's 18th birthday. So, needless to say, I spent the day with them. We hung around my room for a while playing Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, then we met up with Ben and Jacob, who were also quite surprised. We, being myself, Ben, Jacob, Kate, Missy, Ryan, and a kid named Tyler proceeded to eat at a Mexican restaurant in town called Subor Latina, which was fun. It started to storm, so we walked back to campus in a downpour. It was actually fun, just ignoring the perceived inconvenience, and enjoying the rain. We then proceeded to go into one of the dance studios in the theater building and swing dance, and do some Bulgarian folk dancing. Let's just say basically, it was a ton of fun. Man, I had been missing dancing. It felt great to be able to throw perceived barriers aside, and just let the music take over your body. Descend into nothing but a physical interpretation of a musical joy. Swing is not as sensual as some Latin dances, such as the rumba or tango, but it has a certain energy that is very hard to duplicate. I was told tonight by my roommate that when I dance, I actually look like I am swinging. I guess, in my posture, facial expressions, and body movements, I really look like a "swing dancer." I don't know, when I first started dancing, I was very, I don't know, tight. Meaning, I just didn't allow myself to express myself the way I really wanted to. Then, I entered a phase where I would consciously overexaggerate myself to just be stupid. But as I was dancing tonight, and just releasing all this pent up energy, I realized that the eccentricites that I initially started as a sort of mask are really how I dance. It's hard to explain, but I felt very much connected tonight to the music and the dance. Maybe it was just the welcome arrival of good friends. Man, probably the best part of tonight was just enjoying everyone's company. It was so much fun. Good to get to know this Tyler fellow better. He's a great guy. And just enjoyable to be with people I care about very much, celebrate Kate's birthday, and celebrate some good fellowship. Now, I'm sitting here watching Attack of the Clones and thinking about retiring for the night. So, how was the rest of my day? Well, I got a color changing cup at the SAC picnic today. I practiced the piano for a while, and my sight singing, then busted out the trombone for a bit, playing some intense band music. I need to work on pedal tones hardcore. We're playing the Olympic Fanfare and Theme by John Williams (I love John Williams, he wrote the music for Star Wars), and this part has these intense blasts on like, pedal B flats and it goes down to pedal G's. Hard. Plus, I needed to start to get my double tongueing back in shape. Out of pure coincidence, I was in the same cluster of practice rooms as Kathleen, this girl I want to pseudo-woo. Man, she practices a lot. I always seem to run into her at the music building. Sort of like me last year. And this year, I guess. I still do practice a lot. I've been doing about an hour a day consistently so far, which is a goal I want to keep. With Kathleen, must just be coincidence, or fate, or whatever. I talked with the Star Wars trombone girl for a while after running into her, so that was nice. She got a real nose ring, so that was impressive. I don't know, my feelings for her aren't like I thought they would be. Bah, my feelings for women are always so hard to describe, and they fluctuate so suddenly. Oh yeah, and I got the lead spot in jazz band, the same position I held last year. So, now it all depends on how the orchestra audition pans out. I hope I make it, but I think I will do alright if I don't. If you don't know, I played a very solid audition last night, after being very nervous. It wasn't perfect, but it was technically very good I think. I probably had some timing and breathing issues, but overall, I characterized it as a good showing. The most important thing is, I left the building feeling good with how I played. And all I ask of myself is to play the best I can. Was it my very very best? No. But for a high stress situation, the curve was met, and I was pleased with how I played. So, we'll just see how that goes. Like I said, I really want to do orchestra, but if I was outplayed, there's not much I can do, except practice more, to make it next year. So, it was a very good day. I didn't get to go biking, as I had planned, but I think the time with Kate, Missy, and everyone else was a fine tradeoff. It's just so cool that she would want to spend her birthday here at Luther, visiting us. What a great person, seriously. Missy too. Dang it, people are just cool.

New Title

Well, I have modified the title of my blog. Instead of "Various Musings and Commentary by Aaron," the title is now quite obviously "Somewhat Relevant Musings and Commentary by Aaron." I just didn't like the way the word "various" sounded with the other words in the title. And since it's my blog, I changed it. Right now I'm watching "City of Angels," with Meg Ryan. And of course, it's getting me into a sort of emotional pseudo-romantic mode. Even though she dies in the end, which sucks. I don't know, if you look at the post I just put up recently, you'll notice I talked a bit about an individual I'm somewhat interested in by the name of Kathleen. A girl I have never spoken more than probably 5 words in a row to. Someone I know absolutely nothing about, save she's female, plays the oboe, and seems predisposed to wear her hair in a ponytail, since she always has one. So why do I keep thinking about her? What is it about the female gender that allows them to have such an insatiable hold on men, even if they have no idea about who the guy is? I mean, whenever I see her out walking around, I want to run up to her and talk. What I need to do is to actually start walking the walk. But that's beside the point right now. The point is, this woman like, has some sort of grip over me. I've had a lot of these little fling things here at Luther, with Kathleen, and the trombone Star Wars girl, and a couple others. But to be honest with myself, I think oboe girl is at the top of my list right now. Man, that sounds chauvinistic. I think Will Smith put it best in Hitch, what can a guy do to come up to a girl and actually be genuinely interested in who she is and what she does? That is a difficult question. I want to do something to make her take notice, to make her see me. Tonight I had a discussion with a girl about being shy, and how I really wasn't that shy in high school, because I always had someone to fall back on for support. This doesn't have much to do with this, but it sort of does, so you know. But here in college, I really didn't feel as if I had anyone to fall back on, thus explaining some of my social woes from last year. Just, with Kathleen, will I be strong enough to talk to her, to share experiences with her, to show her that I am a good hearted individual? That's a question that could potentially be difficult to answer. I suppose it is presumptuous to just assume I can go facilitate a friendship out of thin air like that. I don't want to be presumptuous. But, I do want to hope. Hope is something I don't think enough people have enough of, if that makes sense. I guess I'm trying to "pseudo-woo" her. I'm not trying to woo her proper, like in terms of an immediate relationship. But I'm for surely trying to woo her as a friend. It's too bad my romantic life can't be as exciting as "You've Got Mail." If you don't know, I love that movie. Behind all the Star Wars films, it's probably my favorite movie. Although, I bet when I do meet "the one," I can look back and see a story just as interesting. You know, not to sound like I'm being pompous, but it seems that a lot of girls are like, smiling at me and such when I walk around. I don't know if I trimmed down, or if my farmers tan is that attractive, or whatever. It's interesting though. Anyways, I hope everyone has a good night, and wish me luck as I attempt to battle my shyness and pseudo-woo the oboist.

Stepping Back and Developments

So, my jazz band audition went well last night. Tony Guzman basically told me I could be in any ensemble I wanted. So, that was good. It's a shame I can't be in jazz orchestra though, that would have been fun. Especially with Benjamin and Kelsey. Man, I practiced like a mofo tonight on my orchestra auditon. Seriously, a full hour on it. I'm feeling really well about it. I think I'll play it really well tomorrow. And if I don't make it, oh well. I just want to play my best. As long as I do that, I'll be happy. So today at lunch, I walked right past Kathleen, and she was just sitting there alone, eating. And of course, what did I do? Walked right past and sat down alone by the window. And sort of watched her for a bit. Not in a creepy way, but just in a people watching way. If I was in Paris, no one would have thought twice about me sitting at a cafe for 2 hours and just people watching. I don't know why people flip out so much about it. For the rest of the world, it's a normal thing. Anyways, I think she saw me, but anyways, on to the rest of the story. I was replacing my trombone after my hardcore hour of practicing, and she walked past and actually made contact with me. Like, usually whenever I walk past her, I just sort of smile and nod my head. This time, she walked past and actually said "Hello" in a very friendly voice. So, I mean, it was just one interaction, but it was positive. If I see her sitting alone again, I'll hit it up. Just to clarify, Kathleen is different from Emily, the trombone Star Wars girl. She's a girl who plays oboe at Luther, and I just always found her to be really kind, attractive, and friendly. Well, from afar, I guess, because I've never really talked to her. But yeah, that's the dish. I want to get to know that girl better. Friendly, attractive, nice girls are just so cool. So, I think my mind is going to be blown by my philosophy class. The teacher is like, this neurotic New Yorker woman, and she talks like, 400 miles an hour. I like her, but it's going to be a challenge. Although, I was flipping out about being super busy, but as I get more into the swing of things, I realize how much time I actually have to get stuff done. I had all my homework for tomorrow done by 5, and I was done practicing by 7. Basically, I've been free of responsibilites for tomorrow since around 7. So, I do have time. It'll be alright. So yeah, I've been doing well. That's about all I have to say tonight. Nothing too deep, but that's how my day has been going.