Cha Cha Changes

We're experimenting with photos today. This is a photo of the Luther College Concert Band trombone section last June in Kyoto. Relevance coming soon. So, I biked roughly 30 miles today. It was intense. I rode from Decorah to Bluffton, and man, I scaled and descended some INTENSE hills. Seriously, I probably pushed 35 mph going down one of the hills. And you know, that's not much in a car, but on a bike, holy crap. I was very tired, but I pulled off the ride, so I felt very pleased with myself. I have such intense tan lines on my legs and arms though, from my biking clothes. Oh well. I slept in today, ate lunch, practiced for roughly 40 minutes, then went biking. I then ate dinner, and went to band practice. It was really strange, not having Brad and Phil around. Phil is the guy on the right, and Brad is in the blue in the middle. Really really messed up. I was so used to having Phil to listen to, and learn from. If you don't know, Phil played bass trombone last year in concert band, and I sat next to him. He graduated, along with Brad, who was section leader. Brad was a great guy, and a big Star Wars fan. We had a lot of fun in Japan and China together, like going to see Episode III in Beijing. A good friend. But yeah, it was weird, actually having to think and play completely for myself, and not being able to rely on Phil to show me how to do it. Very intimidating, but a good challenge. Now the burden is on me to be a good leader, and step up my playing. Music here can be so stressful, because you're always comparing yourself. At least, I am. Who am I better than? Who's better than me? Will they be good enough to take my spot in band next semester? Will I be good enough to keep it? Will I improve enough? Will I be able to do a recital, etc, etc, etc. All I can do is just practice hard, push myself, and play my very best. But man, all this competition just makes you become so much better. I spent some time with Benjamin tonight, listening to some of the pieces for the orchestra audition on Friday. I hope I can make it, but I'm doubtful. I know I will play it well, but I just don't know if it will be good enough. Anyways, I'll give it my best, and that's all I can do. Speaking of old trombone players, Brad e-mailed me tonight, and sent me a Star Wars desktop for my computer. It was just great to hear from him. I wrote him back. He's a guy I wished would have been 3 years younger, so I would have been in contact with him more. He's a guy I respect a ton, and just really enjoy as a person. Dude, Candice is thinking of coming to Luther. It would be so cool, I can't even handle it. So, classes start tomorrow. I'm hesitant, but I know when I'm back in the swing of things, it will all be better. Speaking of swing, I am in desperate need of dance. I miss it so much. I just want to dance with someone. Okay, I need to sleep. Historical Methods coming at me hardcore, 8 AM.

A-Flutter

Tonight, I saw for the first time in months, the girl who likes Star Wars and plays trombone. If you look in the archive for May, and look up the post entitled "Revelations," you can read the back story. I saw her in the cafet, and my heart was set a-flutter. Well, as a-flutter as one can get over a girl he barely knows. But yeah, I saw her and just wanted to go ask if she wanted to hang out. I didn't though. I politely said hi, and asked how she was, and she did the same, then we went our seperate ways. So, that was it. But yeah, what a great girl. I hope we can develop a friendship this year, I enjoy talking with her. She's a person who I find interesting, a girl who seems to be very open. What did I do today? Well, I went to the trombone social. That was fun, it seems like a good group of guys. Nice to see Benjamin. I missed his presence from Japan, and hope I can do some stuff with him this year. Ryan and I purchased a "loft kit" today, and proceeded to assemble it. Man, it was a big hassle. First of all, the wood was so strong, you couldn't use a regular screwdriver. So, we found some kids with a drill and used that. Then we needed a saw. Then the saw we were using broke. Then we used a hand saw, then a circular saw. Just, it sucked. But, we defeated it, and have our room mostly set up. We have the couch, the two Star Wars posters, the French flag, a Napoleon Dynamite poster, a Trek 1500 road bike, we're set. Plus the usual necessities such as TV, fridge, Xbox, DVD player, liberal amounts of pop, computers, food, etc, etc, etc. I played my trombone tonight. It felt awesome. I felt like I was playing very well for the condition I am in, practice wise. I think my orchestra audition will be solid. I practiced next to some first year trombonist, and I think I freaked him out. I was playing the big Getzen bass bone, and I was just going nuts, trying to evaluate my playing condition, doing lip slurs, low notes, scales, double tongueing, crap like that. The kid next to me just like, stopped playing. Whateva though. I have the best band locker, it can hold all 3 of my instruments, plus mutes and music. I was in Jacob's room for like 2 hours, watching him, Ben, and Ryan play Axis and Allies. I don't know what it is about that game that bores me so much. It should be a game I'm interested in. It's historical, strategic, a thinking man's game. But I just find it SO INCREDIBLY BORING, I can't even handle it. So yeah, that's that. I hope I can get all my affairs in order for class to start Wednesday. I feel like I'm in the calm before the storm. I don't know, it will be interesting to see how my classes go, in terms of time commitment and homework. I'm most worried for my music classes, and piano. But, I think I can handle it. I was pretty good at time management last year, and hope I can continue that. I also hope to be more social. Especially with "the girl." Well, I'm going to go right now. I'm talking to Kate, watching Sideways, and drinking Dr. Pepper. Everyone have a good night.

Back at Luther

Well folks, I am back at Luther. Although I'm not completely unpacked, I've definitely got a majority done. It feels good to be back, but I haven't seen many of my friends, so I'm still sort of trying to find where people are. I ate last night with Ben and Jacob, and then Jacob watched Pulp Fiction in my room last night. So, that was good. Like I've said before, I hope I can spend time with those guys, and try not to be so much a burden. It was good to see Ryan again. Man, I get along well with him. He's a good guy, and I think we'll have a fun time throwing it down in Miller 503. Last spring, when I started this stupid thing, I made a comment about how beautiful Luther is. Being back, I remember that now. Man, nature really is glorious down here. I accidentally crashed a floor meeting last night. It was humorous. I was riding this elevator to level 6 in another dorm to visit Benjamin. So, the door opens, I walk out, and I'm standing in the middle of a floor meeting. It was just like, "Uh, right." So, that's the college humor for the day. My dorm room is turning out pretty well. Not as small as I had imagined. We're getting a loft today, so that will help us make final decisions on poster placement. We still have the French tricolor, an Attack of the Clones poster, and a Episode III teaser one. You know, that's it for now. I need to go get a music locker.

Thoughts

Well, in 24 hours, I will be back at Luther. It's just a strange feeling, I suppose. I spent last night with Scott in Minneapolis. Just, a wonderful time of friendship. He bought me Star Wars Trivial Pursuit as a sort of going away gift. I didn't know what to say. I mean, it's Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. To many people, it's nothing. I just think it's a testament to our friendship that he has the goodness and love to give me something like that. Just, that he knows what I enjoy, and respects me. I don't know. I feel very blessed to be friends with Scott. It's hard for me to put it into words, but he's like my brother, and I just hope I can be there for him as he always has for me. Anyways, that's that. I sort of tripped across a person's blog the other day by way of Kate. An individual that for a long time I judged because of his activity in TEC. TEC is a high school retreat ministry run by a number of metro area churchs. I was active in it for many years until I encountered levels of hypocrisy and unkindness in the leadership that appalled me immensely, and led to my retirement from the TEC community. Just, a situation that I wish I had never gotten in to. Anyways, I was left with very bitter feelings about TEC, and they just sort of subconsciously wash onto any person associated with TEC. This individual is openly gay, and good friends with Kate. Anyways, whilst reading her blog, I happenchanced upon his. And I don't know, it gave me a new respect for him. I'm not saying a new respect because he is gay, but as a person. I wish I could write as beautifully and passionately as he about matters of faith and emotion. But, I really can't. And I suppose, that's okay, because that's not me. I'm not particularly eloquent. But anyways, I really enjoyed reading about his faith. Man, faith is an issue I rarely venture out to anymore on this site. But I would like to. Anyways, with my return to college, I am rolling out a sort of "series" of blog entries. I've decided once a week, to write a sort of tribute to the people who have most influenced me. I will only use first names, to respect the privacy of said individuals, but I don't think names really matter. I don't know, I just feel like I need to acknowledge the people who have shaped who I am. Anyways, I need to get to bed. It will be a hectic day tomorrow. But I'm ready to go back. I'm ready to take on this school year.

Blacktopping

Today I blacktopped my dad's driveway. It took about two hours, and I got really sweaty. But I got $160. I promptly spent $60 on college supplies, such as rechargeable batteries, a coffee press, shampoo, conditioner, and a pencil. I debated heavily on buying a revolver Nerf gun, but my better judgement got the best of me. I would like to get into coffee, much like I want to get into wine. I don't know, I just want to be different. Be interesting. And not just for the fact that I own a Jedi robe. I want to do some stuff with that girl I wrote about a long time ago, the trombone playing Star Wars one. Just, to get myself out there, in terms of people. I need to create some friendships out of all of these random acquantinces. Anyways, I'm spending the night at Scott's in Minneapolis. We were going to go see The Aristocrats, but that fell through. I sort of wanted to see Star Wars one more time before college. End the summer the way it began, sort of. I've been reflecting on my summer. Three months that saw me go from Minnesota to Tokyo to Beijing to New York and back. Why did it seem so humdrum? Actually, that's a lie. It wasn't humdrum. I found a new passion in swing dancing, and discovered a whole new way of life in Japan. I also gained an appreciation for early mornings and found a couple wonderful new friends in Missy, Kate, and Laura. And I found fun at work with Shane. So yeah, it's been a good summer. You can definitely seperate it into two parts. The first part I spent on the other side of the world. The second, just around the south of the metro suburban area. Each had its memories and its hardships. I think this summer, I found a clearer sense of who I am. And strangely enough, I think I found it most of all through 3 hours a week in a cave in St. Paul. When I went dancing, I could just expell all these feelings of self doubt, shyness, and fear through an art that one would never expect boring old me to engage in. Even though I was my same old self off the floor, I could become something exciting on it. And that is a good feeling. Random thought, I need to try and contact Chie in Kumamoto and Camille in Thionville. For those who don't know, Camille is the girl who housed me when I traveled to France last March. And Chie and her family housed Benjamin and I for two nights in Japan. And in whose presence, I had the most fun of the trip. I think it is just so cool to have relationships that span so far. It also helps me keep up my French. Plus, I have fond memories and feelings for the both of them. Anyways, Scott will be here soon. T minus a day or so until I return to Luther. I am looking forward to seeing Benjamin and Ryan, but I will miss Scott very much. Even though he often is a mofo, he is the person who I think understands me the most. I feel so blessed to have befriended him. So, I hope everyone is doing well. Oh, and news update. I went and bet on horses the other night, and lost. But I had fun.

Fed Up

I am fed up. This probably isn't the most appropriate place to address this issue, but I can't ever seem to get a response when I'm face to face. Anyways, I spent a majority of the evening with two friends of mine. And, for a little backstory, we always have given each other crap about being gay. Now, I am not homosexual, nor do I harbor any ill feelings towards homosexuals. It's just a stupid juvenille thing we do. Anyways, tonight, it was so bad, I just got fed up. I gave my time willingly, because I thought it would be enjoyable to see my friends. I don't need my friends to sit around and just make me feel like an idiot. Now, I'm all for friendly banter, but it definitely crossed the line tonight, and I didn't feel as if my feelings were being respected. I can't say I'm a saint here either, but I hope that when people ask me to stop, I respect their wishes. I definitely did not feel respected tonight, or in the company of people I care for. These individuals may feel it's a big joke, but it is not a joke to me. When I am constantly being told I am a loser and gay, I feel like shit. Straight up. I don't know, it just seems that whenever I see people from my past, I'm just there to be a big joke. Ha ha, he has a Jedi robe, ha ha, all he does is watch Star Wars, ha ha, he goes swing dancing, ha ha, he doesn't have a girlfriend, ha ha, he watches romantic movies, ha ha, he dresses like a fag, ha ha, he goes to a private college, ha ha, he doesn't want to drink excessively. I cannot lie, I spent over $500 on a Jedi robe, and you know what? I don't regret it. I like it. I realize that it seems very strange to the normal person, I really do. But I could afford it, it was something I enjoy, and I liked wearing it. And you know what, I like who I am. I like the personality that I have. Are there things I need to work on? Yes, and I think I have a good idea on what. I am perfectly well aware that some of the things I do are not totally accepted by the mainstream young adult set. And you know what, I don't give a damn. I don't hurt my friends by liking Star Wars, or swing dancing, or wearing Aloha shirts, and those things bring me joy. And no, I don't have a girlfriend, but you know what, I am patient. And it's my choice not to get drunk and act stupid, but I don't inhibit others from doing so. I may disapprove, but I hope I keep it to myself. My life is made up of things I choose to do, things that I like. I embrace my geekiness, and I think I do a pretty good job of keeping a solid hold on reality, and laughing at myself. But like I said, I can laugh at myself, but I don't need to have my best friend laughing at my expense just because I do some things he finds strange. If anyone has a problem with the facts of my life, please just tell me. Don't just make me feel like a freaking idiot. If what I like to do threatens your sense of self so much, just tell me straight up. There is no need for me to be constantly insulted and harrassed. As I was feeling like a dumbass tonight, I realized that I have been doing the same things. So, I have resolved to make a serious effort to watch my own tongue, and respect my friends. The people I care about deserve better than what they've gotten from me, and I deserve better than what I've been receiving. So you know, that's my thing. Other than that experience, it was a good day. Ben and I learned the values of radiator fluid on I-94 in the morning, and I spent two hours of the afternoon pulling Christmas lights out of my tree from my French prom escapade a year ago. I also had a near-religious experience at the new Kowalski's Market in Lakeville. Simply put, the most amazing grocery experience of my life. Can't explain it much more. So you know, readers of Aaron's blog, some of you know you were who I wrote about tonight. I realize I should have straight up told you to stop, but you know what, I did tell you to stop. So, sorry if it offends, but excuse me if I don't enjoy just being made small.

Pharmacy Business

Today, I went with my pharmacist and Scott to detail doctors. Meaning, we went to clinics, passed out business cards, Walgreens mugs and mousepads, and mints, and informed clinics how we are willing to carry any medications they might prescribe. So basically, trying to get clinics to send patients to us, instead of Snyders or Cub or whatever. It was a lot of fun, I thought. I saw Candice on one of our stops, so that was cool. I enjoy that girl, and don't see her very often. So, I spent most of the morning doing that. I don't know if I ever clearly stated it, but I purchased a yellow linen sport coat the other day. It was like, $300, but I got it for around $100. I really like it. It fits my style well. What is my style, you ask? I like to think of it as a mix of European modern styling and Pacific Island influenced. I really like stripes. This jacket I bought is from a line entitled "Island Pacific" from Nordstroms. And I have a Tommy Bahama tie with flowers, and a buttload of Hawaiian shirts. I really like Hawaiian shirts. They're just so, I don't know how to put it, joyous. Even if I'm not personally feeling joyous, I can put on the shirt and feel better. And I don't know, it's different. Plus, if you've ever been to Hawai'i, they just carry the spirit of that place. If any of you ever have an opportunity to travel to Hawai'i, I highly recommend it. I wanted to get up early today and eat at Starbucks or Panera. But then, I didn't. I was disappointed. So, I'm hoping to get up tomorrow. I want to do it at least once this week before heading back to college, and losing the ambiance I prefer. So yeah, that's the deal. Hope everyone is doing well, Jacob, hope you got down to Luther safely.

Beauty

Today, I was reminded of beauty. And I don't want to sound like some sort of weird stalker, but it came in the form of a young woman who is an old friend of mine. If any of you hail from my church, you'll probably recall Jenna. Anyways, I saw her for a bit tonight. I just stopped by to bid her farewell, as I probably will not be seeing her before we both head to college in a week. I didn't get to see her much this summer, but was able to spend about 15 minutes with her in the church parking lot, doing some swing dancing, and just saying good bye. Anyways, I was reminded why I used to have a huge crush on her, and as I matured, distinguished her as a bastion of beauty in a largely "hot" world. She is just a beautiful person. Beautiful in physical appearance, but even more beautiful as an upright woman of the Lord. Yeah, that sounds corny, I know, and it makes me sound like I'm some evangelical freak. I'm not. But she is just such a Godly woman. And she's a beautiful Godly woman. I love her. She's a person I wish I knew more intimately. I'm not talking about a relationship here, I'm talking about friendship. Which I suppose, could turn into a relationship, but that is completely beside the point. I just wish I knew so many awesome people more intimately. It's just such a leap to take the steps to create such a relationship. Steps that I need to take if I want to break free of this humdrum cycle of a few close friends and a million other opportunities that I just sort of wish about. Anyways, moral of the story, Jenna is beautiful, I wish I knew her better and spent more time with her, and was reminded of what a beautiful person is like. It's not that I don't encounter beautiful people every day. But you get complacent when you see them all the time. When it's an individual like Jenna, who I don't see as much, it just hits you even more. I got up early this morning, and got coffee with Jacob at Dunn Brothers. It was fun. I don't know, Jacob is another person I wish I knew better. Which is a strange statement to make, because I've known him since middle school. But I still feel like I have to hold back with him, like I have to hide my real self behind a cardboard cutout of what I think people are not threatened by. I wish I could be more completely honest with my friends, especially Ben and Jacob. They have been two of my best friends from the moment we went off to Wapo in 7th grade, and have stood by me through many things, eventually helping draw me to Luther, and just generally being two individuals I care for very much and look up to like no other. That's right, for those of you who know those two and think I'm nuts, I look up to them. And if it weren't for their care for me last year at Luther, I would have had a horrible year. They are so good to me. But still, I always feel so bland when I'm with them, like I'm holding back the real me. The one who gets exuberant over Star Wars, and compares riding an escalator to standing on the bow of a pirate ship, who buys yellow linen blazers and then wears it with a rainbow striped shirt. That's who I am. Not someone who always talks in a near whisper, beats around the bush when it comes to important subjects, and is just generally afraid to do anything that I perceive others would not approve of. I need to not fear mistakes. I need to follow this advice with women too. I need to be always be myself, and not bring my friends down with this fear of social situations bullshit. This year, I am going to break away from the anchor that weighs me down. I will be more social, and will meet people. It's time for me to stop living in pseudo-solitude. I know my friends don't want it for me, I don't want it, and God doesn't want it. Anyways, I know Jacob reads this, and I'm not typing all this to try and make some point to him, or give him a clue to my behavior, or anything like that. I'm just saying what I've been struggling with. Jacob and I got offered jobs at Dunn Brothers this morning. That was interesting. This guy just followed us out, and asked us if we wanted jobs. But unfortunately, we are both returning to Decorah soon. It would have been fun though. Back in the day, I always wanted to work at Starbucks. I need to go. Corey is coming over, and we're watching a film. Anyways, I think this day should be dedicated to beauty. Thanks Jenna, for adding more sunshine to my day.

Impending Things

I got an e-mail about band today, specifically, trombones. My friend Benjamin, who I journeyed around Japan with, is the new Luther College Concert Band trombone section leader. It's just sort of strange, when you're so used to an upperclassman being in charge, like Brad and Phil last year. I don't know, I just want to do more this year in terms of music. In actuality, what I really want, is to prove to both myself and others that I am for real. Last year, especially when I made Concert Band, I felt like a guy who just got a lucky break. Like, some poser claiming to be a good trombonist. And early on, I was. I'm not going to lie, I pulled the audition of my life to make that band. But by the end of the year, I personally could feel confident about my place in the band. Now, I want to erase all doubts that I am just some guy with a lot of luck. I am a good trombone player, and have the capability to play with the best that Luther has to offer. That's what I want. I want the musical and technical capability to engage in any musical activity I want, be it orchestra, jazz band, band, or anything else. I want to be able to go into those auditions knowing full well that if I play my very best, I will be in them. First of all, I need to reach a level where I am fully confident in my playing. I will though. I am anticipating a very productive year on the trombone. Man, last night, swing dancing, it was fun. It was most likely my last night of the summer, which was saddening. I will miss that a lot. I might have to see if my friends would be up for a spontaneous Thursday road trip to dance it up sometime this semester. Yeah, I've definitely been feeling some emotions for a female friend of mine. But I sort of get the impression that she really likes a friend of mine. So, that's a shame, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it, especially when I can't confirm anything. Remember my drama with Laura? I've been reading her blog lately, and I don't know, it's just made me think. It's definitely made me want to get to know her, but I'm so dang shy to call her, or do anything. So, that is a shame. I have to find a way to stay in contact with her. She's a girl I enjoy. Mind you, I mean this all as a friend. I've been really wanting to get up early sometime this week, and just go do something. Like, 6 in the morning. My experience the other day at Panera was just so invigorating. Oh man, I wanted to kill myself today at work. It was so busy, most of our staff was trainees, and the stupid Minnesota medical assistance was not working. And everyone on it came in at once. It just sucked hardcore. It was nice to work with Shane though, and make some cashola. I saw an old friend tonight, which was very nice. We played a round of Halo 2, then he left. But still, it was nice to see him. I miss him, in a non homosexual way. I don't know, my circle of male friendships and the disintigration of the aforementioned is for another time. I'm in a very anticipatory mood tonight. I'm anticipating how my musical life at Luther will go this fall, anticipating my return to college in general, anticipating my relationship with this girl, anticipating some enjoyment before I head off. I'm also anticipating developing some friendships, which excites me. Well, I'm going to bed. I'll probably watch Sideways again. It's a good movie.

Morning

Right now, I am like, sitting in a cliche. It's 6:30 in the morning, raining outside, and I'm using the free wireless at Panera Bread in Eagan. Oh yes, and I'm eating a bagel, and drinking mocha, while wearing my blazer. Why am I here, you ask? Well, I took my dad to the airport so he can go to Colorado to see my uncle run a marathon. On my return home I thought, "I'm hungry." So, I find myself here. You know, I love this time of morning. It's so peaceful. It's just, I don't know, a good time of day to be alone, and just think. Either that, or it's a time of day for good friends. One or the other, depending on the situation. I don't know if anyone knows this, but I love the movie "You've Got Mail." I love it. After Star Wars, it has to be my favorite movie. I can't explain it, I just love that film. Anyways, the characters spend a lot of time in Starbucks. On the special features for the DVD, the director mentions the concept of a "third place" after work and home, and how Starbucks fills that void for some. The Panera I'm sitting in definitely wants to be a third place. And for me right now, I guess it is. One of life's simple pleasures is getting up early, and welcoming the day with a hot cup of coffee, or a cup of whatever beverage you so enjoy. I hope I have a job that requires me to arise this early, just because I feel so much more lively after I know that I did not waste my morning away sleeping. Sure, you're not as tired if you sleep in. But you miss out on this simple joy. Early morning has a sort of built in introspection, a natural relaxation that seems to fizzle out the higher the sun gets. Fighting tiredness opens yourself up to look honestly at things, and each other. I feel very vulnerable this time of day, but also very natural, and in touch with myself, God, etc, etc, etc. I feel as if I'm living my life to the fullest, if only for a half hour. That doesn't make much sense, but it's hard for me to explain. If I ever had to have a heart to heart conversation, I'd do it in the morning. When I propose to a woman, I think I'll do it early in the morning. It's a beautiful time of day, and a glorious opportunity to just sit down, and breathe in the richness of life through a cup of coffee. Yeah, that sounds lame, but I don't care. It's the truth. So yeah, if any readers of this blog ever have a hankering to get up early and hit up Starbucks, or Panera, or I suppose I could even handle Caribou Coffee, please give me a call.

Biking

Today, I must have biked about 30 miles. Holy crap, it was intense. I was definitely on the brink when I got home. Man, I was tired. I also almost sterilized myself while stopping at a light. Let's just say I got off my pedals, and planted my feet a little too forward, smashing my groin area into my stem (the piece of metal that attaches the handlebars to the bike). Yeah, a few inches to the right, I might have crushed my testicle like a grape. I felt very lucky. Scott spent the night last night, and brought this thing of rum with him. So, we tried it in Coke. Basically, he gave me a lot, and I don't know what a lot is defined as. So yeah, I went to bed early. That also got us into a pseudo fight in the car today, as I criticized him for having parties where people just drink to get drunk, and he accused me of being intoxicated as well, which I didn't agree on. I don't know, I need to take a stance on the alcohol issue, really soon. If anyone has some suggestions, let me know. Swing dancing tomorrow night, I'm looking forward to it. I hope I can talke with Laura a bit. I really want to keep contact with her as I return to college. Yeah, I have mixed feelings on going back, but that's for another time. I need to go sleep Everyone have a good day.

Blazers

Today, I went to Target again. I did not see anyone familiar this time. However, I did purchase a blue pinstriped blazer. I am very pleased with this purchase. I don't know, I seem to be more aware lately of how I dress. And you know, I usually don't like wearing what the cliche "style" or "fashion" is. I like to wear what I think looks good. I guess those two ideals, what I think looks cool and what society deems cool are intersecting this summer. It's a nice coat, because it's the kind you can wear with t-shirts, polo shirts, whatever, and look cool. I've always liked wearing coats. Which is strange, because I hate long sleeves usually. I guess coats are different. I've been trying to heed the advice of my friends, and just be friends with girls I find attractive. And you know, it's been going well. I feel very secure with myself right now, in terms of women and relationships. Meaning, I think I'm headed in the right directions with the female friends I have, and am patient to see what college will offer. I spent part of last night at my friend Scott's. It was not successful. All people were doing was drinking beer for the sole purpose of becoming intoxicated, and I was not impressed at all. So, I left at 1:30 in the morning. I encountered a girl there that I guess you could consider a friend of mine in high school. Or not, I don't know. Define friend. Anyways, for some reason, this girl just hates me, and I have no idea why. She just makes fun of me for any number of reasons, the fact I go swing dancing, the fact I like Star Wars, the fact I have had a history of doing extreme things for Star Wars or other things I enjoy, etc, etc, etc. And she is just not nice to me at all. I wish I could understand this, because I would like to have normal relations with her. I don't know, she must have a lot of hurt or misunderstanding going on inside to be so mean to me. Whatever. I bought a movie called "Sideways" the other day, and have been watching it. I really like it. It reminds me of "Lost in Translation." If you've seen that and enjoyed it, you'll like Sideways. Basically, it has inspired me to become a wine connossieur. When I turn 21, instead of buying a case of Bud Light or whatever, I'm going to buy wine. But yeah, the movie is really good. It's got that weird dry humor and sincerity that I value so much. And it has very realistic characters. If you can handle swearing and some sexuality, I highly recommend it. So, I gave Axis and Allies another try today. It was more fun being an Ally, and having other allies to plan with. But still, it took a very long time, and I am not a fan of that. But, I guess I could play it again, as long as I'm not Japan or Germany. Well, I think I'm going to go outside, light some tiki torches, drink some Coke, eat ice cream, and watch Sideways on my computer. On a side note, I called a girl tonight that I am somewhat interested in. Or at least, interested in strengthening my friendship with. It went well. Well, I'm off to relax. Have a good night everyone.

Target

Today, I went to Target, looking for Ocean's 12. I did not find Ocean's 12, but had a pleasant surprise when I encountered a friend of mine from high school. If any of you hail from Farmington, you may be familiar with Shawna Speas. She was the homecoming queen, drum major, band geek, and all around solid individual. She is also one of the friendliest people I've ever had the pleasure of befriending, and one of the most beautiful women I've ever come in contact with. Mind I say beautiful, not "hot." Anyways, just a really good girl, and I really enjoyed seeing her, even if it was for just a minute or so. I had a lot of good memories forged beside her in band at FHS. I had a huge crush on her in around 8th grade. Like, I wrote her a note asking her out. Ha, after I got beyond that, I was able to forge a somewhat normal friendship with her. Always found her beautiful though. Man, my musical activities in high school were so much fun. Thinking of her just reminds me of what fun I had at Farmington with those people. A lot of good memories and experiences, I'll tell you that. Anyways, after that, I went to Blockbuster, and got 3 pre-viewed DVD's for $25. Sideways, Ocean's 12, and Hitch. I was very pleased with myself. So, this afternoon, I almost messed myself up on my bike hardcore. To make a long story short, I miscalculated where the sidewalk was, and found myself heading straight towards a curb, with no time to try and bunny hop it. So yeah, I ran headfirst into it. If you are unfamiliar with the anatomy of a road bike, it is very stiff, and does absorb jolts very well. I thought I was going to mess up my legs, and get pinned between the bike and curb. However, the impact ripped my cleats off the pedals, so I sort of half jumped off in midair as my bike plunged to the ground. So yeah, I'm really surprised I didn't break my shin, and even more surprised I didn't bend my wheel in two. I couldn't tell any damage at all to my bike, which amazes me. I need to get my bike fixed, but I'm a little short on cash this week. My gears need to be adjusted and my brakes need tightening. My mother is going to Las Vegas tomorrow for 4 days, so I'm on my own. I'm looking forward to it, being away from the stupid nagging. That is really getting to me. Anyways, I'm out to watch my new movies. Have a good one.

Unsafe Driving

Tonight, I went and saw Dukes of Hazzard with Corey. I was very skeptical, because the reviews for it are horrible. However, I really enjoyed it, and thought it was funny. I don't know, I think it's funny when someone hangs out the side of a fast moving vehicle on a dirt road, and shoots a flaming arrow at a pursuing police car, causing it to explode. It was just very good natured, and didn't take itself too seriously. The movie inspired me to like, stick a V-12 in my Camaro and drive at reckless speed through the country, all while screaming "yee-haw." So, yeah. Other than that, I had a pleasant bike ride with Corey. Once again, the advantage of a road bike played a big role. I felt as if I could have continued biking for quite a while, but Corey seemed on the brink. I also went and ate at Noodles, and had some really interesting Japanese pan fried noodles. I had expected a soba type noodle, in a soup. But it wasn't. I don't know, it was alright, but nothing to scream about. They did have some really good Coke at Noodles. I installed my couch in my basement tonight. It works very well, I enjoy it a lot. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to be playing my trombone at church. I am not nervous at all. I think college helps with that, definitely. You get to the point where you practice a piece so much, it's just second nature to play it. I think I'm at that point right now. I think my crush on Laura is starting to go away. I still would like to spend time with her, but I don't find it necessary to "date" her or anything. Not at this point at least. My college roommate is buying kendo sticks. This should be interesting. I like my roommate a lot. I think I should just suck it up, and call him what he really is, a friend. Anyone who can put up with me for a year, and still love Star Wars has to be cool. Anyways, I need to go watch The Wedding Singer. In short, Dukes of Hazzard is recommended for some ridiculous fun. Oh yeah, one other thing. Corey and I might go to the late showing of Star Wars again this week, but this time, bring lightsabers. Awesome.

Garage Sailing

So, today, I went to this big garage sale at my church. I purchased a bike trainer, an expresso machine, a wool coat, and a green couch. I'm quite pleased with the couch. I think it will be fun to have it in my room, and down at Luther. I mean, the couch is like, the dwelling of a college student. So, on my last post, a couple of my friends left some profound comments. I read them and was like, "Wow, that was profound." So, I am going to follow the advice given. I had a really fun day today. Ben spent the night, and we just sort of talked, and assembled this Star Wars puzzle. I got up, and went to Scott's house, where he and Kevin (friend from high school) were painting. We ended up all going together to Leeann Chin, then bringing food to Shane in the pharmacy. Then, we ate in the breakroom. Before we did that though, we faxed some things to Shane. One was a picture of the Wiggles, some little kids singing group that he had to go to tonight with his two small girls. The other was a photo of a shrimp. That's an inside joke between the college level males in our pharmacy and Shane, involving a really sick action. But, we have fun with it. So anyways, I had this cape in my car, and a fedora. So, we stopped and got more ridiculous clothing, and drove around, got the food, and hung out at Walgreens. For example, I wore a sombrero, Kevin wore a Darth Vader helmet, and Scott wore my fedora. It was really stupid, but fun. It was fun to just be juvenille. Scott brought me this shirt from San Diego that says "Got Crabs?" on the front. On the back it says "We do. Joe's Crab Shack." I think it's funny, and enjoy it. So yeah, it's been a good day. A boring night however. I'm really saddened, as a buttload of my friends went camping this weekend, and I was unable to join them, both because of work and the fact that I play my trombone for church on Sunday. That's what bothers me the most, I wanted my friends to hear me play. Oh well, I suppose it could be worse. Welp, I'm anticipating a good day tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.

Lame

I had an "eh" time at swing tonight. So, I picked up Laura, and her friend Megan came, and some guy friend named Gary. I'm pretty sure she didn't have a thing for him or anything, but she had had a bad day, so definitely spent most of the night talking with him. And inevitably, I ended up with not many people to dance with. Which bothered me, because I wanted to dance. I did dance some cool songs with my friend Kate. That was, confusing, to say the least. She's a girl that I've known all my life, and the past few months, have been struggling with my feelings towards her. We danced somewhat intimately tonight, and that just sort of added to the swirl of emotions that is my mind right now when it comes to girls. But still, I didn't dance as much as I would have liked. I don't know. I think the real problem I have tonight, is all my frustration with failing with the opposite gender for the past 6 years or so is coming to a boil. I just don't really understand why I fail so completely. I mean, I know the whole Star Wars thing is weird, but is it really so bad as to make women not want to get to know me? I don't know. I feel as if I am never going to find the person that is right for me, because no one has ever found me right for them. Even for a stupid high school/college fling. And it's just quite depressing, because I think I would be good to a girl. And also, I think I have some angst at Laura. I like the girl, but I'm getting the feeling that she wants to see me on Thursday nights, and that's about it. I guess I'm not enough of her style or whatever. So, that is not cool, because as I've illustrated numerous times, I like her and think she's cool. I go back to college in about 2 and a half weeks. I'm looking forward to getting away from my mother and all her nagging. Looking forward to seeing what few friends I do have, and hopefully some people that may become friends. I don't know. If anyone doesn't know, I have social problems, and had a lot of problems at college last year meeting people. When I came home for the summer, I thought I'd be rid of that because I have lots of friends back home. But this summer, I feel really alone. And it's really mostly my fault. I'm so nervous about calling people and asking them to do anything, I just don't. And then my best friend got a girlfriend, so he's not as available. So, that saddens me, to say the least. I don't know, I wish people would just call me. But I need to learn to take some risks too. So anyways, that's sort of what's on my mind right now. Basically, I wish I knew why women don't seem to like me. I suppose a lot of men have this go through their minds, except if they're one of the lucky few that women always seem to gravitate towards. Anyways, I'm out.

Geek-O-Meter

Okay, so Corey and I went and saw Revenge of the Sith tonight at the Regal. We were the only ones in the theater. So for the entire duration of the movie, we sat, watched Star Wars, talked about Star Wars, debated Star Wars, added commentary to Star Wars, etc, etc, etc. Man, if you had a sort of device that detected geek, it would have like, exploded in theater 16 tonight. It's a shame we didn't both have costumes. Then the building may have collapsed with all the geek. So, that was really fun for me. It's enjoyable to be able to just kick back, and do something you enjoy, with a person you enjoy being with, and not have to care about the judgements of others. When I find a woman like that, I'll be set. 11 times in the theater, a new record. I had a pretty good day. I did some stuff with the garage sale, and helped pick up a bunch of crap in this big truck. The truck was interesting. It had a big windshield, and had a flat front, so it felt like you were right on top of the road. To me, it felt like being in some sort of starship. So, that was good. Then I worked. I had some nasty pizza that tasted like it was covered in salt. I was not impressed with it at all. I go swing dancing tomorrow night, which I am looking forward to. As always, I'm looking forward to seeing Laura, and dancing with her. I think I need to make an effort to show her some of my feelings, either through body language or complimenting. I definitely need to do something other than just sit on my ass. I've been thinking about faith a little lately. Strange that right after I use the "a word" I talk about faith. It's not something I want to elaborate on, I've just been thinking a little about how my faith works into the life I lead. I had a conversation with a good friend Sunday night that definitely has got me thinking about how one lives, and the manner in which it can be lived. It's a long story. So, in a nutshell, I geeked out at the theater with Corey, worked, picked up furniture, and thought about how flipping dumb I am with Laura. It added up to a pretty good day. Hope everyone else is doing well.

Tuesday

So, I had a let down today. I went to Leeann Chin for lunch, and saw Laura, and got to talking. And she came out and sat with me for a while. Anyways, I asked her if she'd be interested in going to see a movie or whatever. To make a long story short, she said to call her after work, so I did. Then she said she didn't have any money, and doesn't like to have people pay for her, because she feels guilty. So bottom line, I don't know what she's doing right now, but I'm sitting here not doing anything with her, when I thought I would be, and that is disheartening. When she said she didn't really want to go to a film or something, in my mind I was just like, "Damn it." So, that's my story. This is irritating, because it's like, you think okf all these alternate possibilities on why she didn't want to go. Is it that she really feels guilty? Did she not understand I was sort of asking her on a "date?" Does she not enjoy spending time with me, etc, etc, etc. So, lame. My mom suggested that next time, I make it explicitly clear that it would bring me joy to take her to a movie, and spend the money for her ticket. But, there is still time. I didn't have to get Scott from the airport, even though I could have now. It was a fine day at work. I was two minutes late from my lunch break, because I was talking with Laura at the restaurant. That did not impress me. I hate being late, and I should have been more conscious of the time, even if I was in the middle of such an enjoyable event. I bought my textbooks the other day for college. About $185. Not nearly as bad as it could have been. So, it's just sort of a boring night out now. I should have just asked if she wanted to watch Pulp Fiction. I don't know if any of you know, but I love Pulp Fiction. It's not a movie a lot of my friends would associate with me. But I love it. I think it's hillarious. Last night, I watched the last part of Return of the Jedi. I am finding it very hard to associate Darth Vader with the Anakin Skywalker of Episode III. I think it's a combination of being so indoctrinated with Vader as such a one dimensional character all this time, the actor difference, and the fact that I haven't watched the films from Episode I to VI. I wish they could have put Hayden Christensen in the suit when Luke unmasks him, and just made him up to look older. I think that would have improved the continuity quite a bit. I'm also irritated that when Anakin dies, they play the Imperial March. Darth Vader is redeemed when he kills the Emperor, and becomes Anakin Skywalker again. I wish they would change the musical cue to reflect that. Even so, man Star Wars is cool. So, that's the deal for the night. Definitely not cool, the situation with the girl. But, oh well. Stuff happens, you learn to get over it, and create new things.

New Title

I think the title of this blog thing needs to be changed. "Various Musings and Commentary" just seems way too formal. So, if you have a suggestion for a new title, let me know. So anyways, thanks to everyone who responded to my question in the last posting. If you are curious, you can still give your two cents. Or five, or whatever. You get it. Anyways, I tried calling Laura the other day, but she wasn't at home. So that was uncool, but I got over it. I'm going to try and get a hold of her before swing on Thursday. That would be quite enjoyable. So tonight, I came across her own blog type internet device. It was very interesting. But then again, I say that about everyone's blog. I really do find blogs interesting. It's fun to see things from a certain person's point of view that you might not realize in everyday life. And you know, it's cool to just be able to throw out what you think, even if no one else cares. At least you gain some personal satisfaction. But anyways, yeah, I read her thing. And to me, it seemed to be full of a lot of pain. And I don't know, that was saddening, to a point. I think life would just suck if it was always full of pain and stuff. I hope I never cause her pain. I don't know. Like I've said a lot of times, I really like that girl. Whenever I'm with her, I just enjoy her presence. If the presence she has around me is all a fake for some other thing, that would suck, but I don't think it is. Well anyways, whatever. So, I worked 8 hours today, but seriously, I felt as if I was there for only like, 2. It was amazing. I wish everyday would go that fast. Work will be fun tomorrow though, I'm working with Shane all day. Which means more Leeann Chin. My friend Scott is in San Diego with his girlfriend and family. Damn girlfriend, I never get invited to go to San Diego or Montreal. I mean that in jest, of course. He wants me to come pick him up at the airport tomorrow afternoon. The thing is, if it's a late flight, that will nix any plans I might make with the L dog. That would suck. I don't know, at times I feel as if friends take advantage of my willingness to help. I'm not saying he is or anything, so don't construe this the wrong way. But at times, I find myself doing a lot for people and never really being appreciated for it. I guess that's sort of selfish. But, it happens. Anyways, I want a good day tomorrow. I want to clear my head of all this "what if" crap about Laura and just go do something. One flaw I have is indecision. Seriously, I go to frekking Target and wander for an hour, and never buy anything. I just go to look at things, debate if I want it, debate if I want it against other things, debate if I want to spend any money at all, and end up leaving, accomplishing nothing. It's lame. Anyways, I'm out. Everyone have a good one.

Feedback

Okay. If you were trying to let a member of the opposite gender know how you feel about them, how would you go about doing it? Would you just straight up say "I like you a lot." Or do you show it through actions, such as buying tickets, holding hands, kissing, etc, etc, etc? I guess, not how do you do it. How would you, as readers of this blog go about this question? You should be able to leave a comment, so I encourage you to do so if you feel comfortable. Anyways, I caught a 21 and three fourth inch walleye this weekend at Mille Lacs. So, that was fun, because I am not a skilled angler at all. It was a big fish. And I don't have a photo, so that means I can have my own fish story. In two years, it will probably be a 35 inch walleye. And when I'm telling my kids, I'll just say I caught a whale. I went to a wedding Friday night. It was fun. I really like weddings. It really makes me want to get married, soon. I hope I do get married, and have a sweet wedding. I think I will though, eventually. Swing music all night. It will be fun, I hope. Weddings are also fun, because it's cool to see the start of such an epic thing. Marriage is so epic, seriously. Especially when you are marrying "the One." I hope I know when "the One" comes along. Anyways, Star Wars is still at the Regal. You know what that means. A chance to break the record. I can do it. Anyways, I am out of here. If you want, give a comment on my question. If not, well then, you suck. Not really, but you know. Lame

Cycling Shorts

Today I purchased a pair of Pearl Izumi biking shorts, then went biking in them. It was the most wonderful experience I have ever had with an article of sporting clothing. If any of you are debating buying biking shorts, get Pearl Izumi. They're so comfortable, I could wear them everyday. Seriously, I couldn't even tell I was wearing them, they are so awesome.

No Title

So, I worked today. It went fine, I guess. I mean, it was work, what else can you say. As usual, I had to go pick up food from Leeann Chin for everyone, especially Shane. I don't understand how he loves it so much. But, Laura was telling me how much she loved the Leeann as well, so maybe it's just one of those things. After work, I was able to dine with some good friends of mine from high school. It was really nice to get the "crew" back together, if only for about 45 minutes. They are my very good friends, and I don't get to see them a lot. A lot of very special memories were formed with them during my years at Farmington. And beyond, I guess. Then, I had to leave, to go swing dancing. Swing was fun tonight. I sweat a lot. If any of you didn't know it, let it be known. I got home, took off the vest I always wear, and my shirt was drenched underneath. I was just like, "Man." Once again, I had fun with Laura. And once again, the attraction was intense. And she definitely wanted to dance with me a lot, so I'm thinking that's a good sign. I really like that girl. Next week, I think I'm going to have to ask her to a movie or something. The next step must be taken now, I think. The time has come. Although I guess it was awkward for her, because another girl was there, my friend Myra. And Myra dated this guy, and when they weren't dating or something, Laura went on a couple "dates" with him. So anyways, she said it was awkward for her. Oh well. It's something we all deal with, I suppose. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. I really hope they have a fun dance. I want to bust out the moves on the ladies. I just really enjoy dancing. I feel very unrefined though. I need to get together with Ben, and have him show me some of his moves. Build up the arsenal, so to speak. Anyways, want to hang with Laura, want to do some memorable stuff in this last month of summer. Hope it's all going well.

My Dog

It's 12:33 at night right now, and it's storming. I am up, because my dog is flipping out with the thunder. In case you all didn't know, I have a dog. His name is Buddy, and he is a border beagle (half border collie, half beagle). He is black and white, sheds a lot, is hyper, and is scared of everything. Especially storms. When it thunders, he paces around, whines, and starts panting. Inevitably, he wakes people up. Tonight, it was me. As I sit up, forsaking my sleep to try and calm him down, I realized, I really love my dog. I can see so many shades of myself in him. He's really weird, but has a kind heart, and wants to please. But at times, he screws up. He's very smart and intelligent, but as this night shows, is also very vulnerable. Not saying I'm super vulnerable. I just see bits and pieces. I guess that theory is true. Well, if any of you don't have a dog, I highly recommend it. When I got Budley when I was 12, I hated him. He was hyper, didn't obey me, and just annoyed me. After I got to know him, I loved him, and haven't looked back. After sharing 7 years of my life with him, he's the one guy who I know the best. He's rewarded me so much. I wish I could give back to this animal all he's given me.

Advantage of a Road Bike

Today I went biking with Corey. He had a mountain bike. I had a road bike. I went much faster than him, and was not as tired when we were finished. Thus is the advantage of a road bike. As long as you stay on the road, I suppose. But we did, so I was at an advantage. I ate lunch with Corey at Chipotle, then we went in search of Lance Armstrong shoes at the mall. We failed. Oh well though. Yeah, so I went to work, blah, blah, blah. Shane liked the puppet I made for him last night out of a paper bag, so that was good. I also got some new clothes today. I got a new pair of Adidas sandals, since I forgot mine in a hotel in New York. I also got a new shirt, some shorts, a new tie, and a really cool blazer. I really like the blazer. Anyways, so after work, I drove to Leeann Chin's to confirm that I was going to pick Laura up tomorrow to go swing. And when I got there, she either took her break or got sent on it, so she invited me to come sit with her outside, while she ate fried rice. And you know, it was just really pleasant. We just sort of made small talk, stupid stuff, like making fun of this gang of preppie teenagers in an SUV. It was really weird, they like, were all wearing matching polo shirts from Abercrombie and Fitch or something. Then they were with some really provacatively dressed girl. Figures. I thought they were lame, and so did she. We also discussed bats, whether she should switch jobs, stuff like that. Nothing intense, but it was pleasant. It felt really good to be spending time with her outside the context of swing dancing. Like I've said before, I'm just so attracted to her, and I could definitely feel it tonight. But you know, it wasn't a physical attractiveness. I mean, of course I think she's pretty. But it wasn't like I was sitting there just staring at her female areas, if you dig my jit. Unfortunately, most men feel such attraction during their life at some point, myself included. But with her, it's more like, I'm just attracted to who she is. In conclusion to that, I spent a very enjoyable 20 minutes with her. Can't wait to swing it up tomorrow. I should be receiving my Star Wars Insider magazine soon. I'm getting impatient for it to arrive, I know it has to have been shipped. I impulsively bought a pouch for my Jedi belt the other day off eBay. It wasn't very expensive though, so it's all good. Welp, work and swing dancing are up for the morrow. I think it's going to be a good day.

Chinese Food

So, our staff pharmacist at work is like, obsessed with Leeann Chin. It's like, Asian McDonald's, basically. So, I always have to go pick up food for us at Leeann Chin. Here's the weird part. There's a real Chinese restaurant right behind Walgreens, and it's awesome. But he loves Leeann Chin so much. I don't understand. Of course, swing girl is never there when I go. If you didn't know, she works there. I did learn she's working right now, but I don't really feel like driving over there, spending $7, and eating alone just so I can drop in and see her. If I was dating her or something, yeah I could probably dig that. But, I'm not, and I have to work in an hour. Dumb dumb dumb. I'm looking forward to swing dancing Thursday, as usual. I hope I can foster some more relationships with the girl. Also, a couple other friends of mine are going, people who don't usually come or haven't come at all, so that will be fun. Today, I checked out a DVD on swing from the library. It's interesting. I need to learn some new moves, hardcore. I'm sick of going and doing the same things over and over again. Anyways, just calling her the swing girl is stupid. Everyone who reads this thing knows her name, and she doesn't know I have this thing, so whatever. And if she does, well, sorry for the awkwardness, but I'm really not some sort of weird freak. I'm just socially inept, so I type everything. Her name is Laura. Anyways, I'm going fishing with my dad this weekend. It should be fun, but I'm a little irritated because I figured out Laura was going to be home all weekend while her family was camping. Doing nothing but working at that stupid restaurant. I'm just imagining it would be a cool time to hang out. Oh well. Yesterday, I had hot grease splattered all over my bare arms as my friend and I attempted to tempura fry shrimp. It was interesting. I also hung out with Myra. But all she wanted to do was watch TV, so I was kinda bored. I don't watch much TV, and really think it's pretty stupid. I'm a movie guy, hardcore. Anyways, better eat before work. Have a good day.