A Rant, for a bit

I need to rant on something, and just get it out of my system. As regular readers may recall, I was contracted by the orchestra director here at Luther to play bass trombone in the pit orchestra for the spring opera. I was recommended by Benjamin, the bass trombonist in the Symphony Orchestra, I had come in second in the fall auditions, and had talked to him confirming my participation. Deal closed, right? Apparently not. This first year kid, who fancies himself a bass trombone player, somehow found out about the spring opera, which still eludes me. How he found out that is, because it was a closed deal. And this kid just decides he wants to play in the opera, even though I ALREADY HAD THE POSITION! Then, in another stupid turn of events, my trombone teacher didn't just tell him it was already filled, he caved in and said that maybe they could re-audition for it. That is the first thing that angers me, I'm being forced to re-audition for a spot that was rightfully mine a month ago. Then, Dr. Smith puts up the audition music, because this kid doesn't have it. He puts up two copies of it, and I take one. He posted this music on Tuesday. By Friday, the kid still hadn't picked it up, so he e-mailed him. Tonight, Saturday afternoon, I'm in the music building. Music is still there. And I'm just undergoing a lot of emotions about it. First of all, I'm angry that it's even an issue. Secondly, I'm insulted that he doesn't pick up his music. I get the impression that this kid just thinks he'll steamroll me. And that insults me. I am not the best trombonist at Luther by a long shot, but I have acquired some skill, and am not in a position to be underestimated in this way. I may not own my bass trombone, or have played it in high school, but I am playing it in Concert Band to some success, and improving all the time. Basically, I just feel a lot more qualified. I have one of the best work ethics in the trombone studio, and have proven myself to put in the time necessary to play my music. And gosh, let's not even talk about this kid's reliability. He sleeps through rehearsals, doesn't come to trombone choir, etc, etc, etc. It all just frustrates me so much. I don't know, I'm preparing for this audition like I would any other one. I'm pretending I have to go up against Benjamin, or someone intense like that, and it's very insulting that this kid doesn't even pick up his damn music. Anyways, that's that. I've been having fun playing in Christmas at Luther. I wish I could play in the orchestra, but that's okay. Eventually. I have not had a very productive day today. I sort of lazed about. I did pick a topic for my East Asian history paper. How Fukuzawa Yukichi's "Escape from Asia" thesis is still being used and refuted today. Oh yeah, I made Concert Band again. There's a story to it, that also involves this annoying kid, but that's for another time. You know when you do things you know are wrong, but you still do them? I have a situation like that, and it is bothering me. I don't know, I am really enjoying college as of late. I have friends, have interests, am succeeding academically (save ear training), improving on trombone, and having fun. There is still something missing. I still feel sort of looked over. There is definitely something missing spiritually. I need to go to church. I need to stop typing, I've lost my train of thought. Hope everything is going well.