Gah

I don't know why I can't act the way I do at church all the time. I think my social issues would be improved if I did. But then again, it always feels like an act. I don't know, it was very confusing. I was happy to see a lot of my friends, but then again, it was just like, "What do I say to you?" We're not in high school anymore. Our experiences are so different. Why do I feel I have to act so eccentrically to feel accepted? Is it really me? I don't know. That didn't happen with everyone I saw, but a few. I noticed very powerful feelings towards a particular female I saw tonight. Gah, so many feelings fo so many women, but nothing to show. Oh well, it takes time. I was supposed to call my friend tonight. I called them, and they never pick up their phone. And gah, I was frustrated. These people say they want to hang out, they want to talk, and then you can never get a hold of them. I don't know, it's just a very confusing message to me. Do they not want to hang out, do they want me to stop calling, are they just too busy, are other people more interesting? So many possible answers.