Easter Ramblings

Happy Easter everyone. It's been an interesting morning. As always, I spent the morning at church, playing trombone, chatting, etc, etc, etc. And I don't know, it was very interesting. Most of the people I know there now are still in high school, and I definitely felt apart from the high school world. Like, I could relate and understand things, but I know now that I am not a part of that culture anymore. And I don't know, I sort of wish I still was, because it's a very innocent time. Well, innocent relative to college. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. The talk amongst the young adults all revolved around relationships. I've had a couple of interesting experiences the past few days regarding relationships. One was a chat I had with an adult friend of mine. He was sort of a mentor to me in high school, and I still enjoy talking with him. Anyways, he was really big into dating in his high school and college years, always with a girl. Then he decided that he needed to step back, be single for a while, and listen to God. And he was just imparting the wisdom that that period in his life gave him. Especially now, since he has gotten himself into a very serious relationship in the past year, after he decided that his period of singleness was complete. I just so completely admire him in how he has dealt with the opposite gender. The relationship that he is in now represents the essence of what I would like to have. A connection between two people that is so emotionally, spiritually, and mentally beautiful that physical acts really don't hold much significance. I mean, of course they do, but they aren't at the center. That would be a great thing. It just made me think that I have so much life in front of me. I worry so much about girls and the like, but I really should just try and chill out for a while. But of course, the fact that I am now writing about the opposite gender shows that that is not the case right now. I just feel under pressure. My best friend is always bugging me about not "getting any," my cousin apparently thinks/thought I'm gay, two good friends have gotten engaged, many other friends are in a relationship or successfully pursuing one, plus the fact I've never been in a relationship. It's dumb, but that can really get at you. But it's also very hard when you feel as if you've been waiting forever. Anyways, enough of that. I saw a really good friend of mine at church this morning who goes to college north of Luther. I used to have a really big crush on her in like, early high school or something. I just got to thinking, "Man, she really is a beautiful person." I'd like to do some stuff with her this summer. The girl who I was on hardcore in late high school pretty much gave me the cold shoulder. It was sort of awkward, but didn't really affect me. I just found it strange. Of course, she was with her boyfriend type person. Last night I stayed up and watched The Passion of the Christ, to sort of prepare myself for the Easter celebration. I really don't want to talk about it, but it definitely creates some thoughts. I feel as if I really need to sit down and ponder the Easter mystery, being (to me) what Jesus' resurrection really means to me. I mean, I hear it all the time, but I don't think I'm really getting it like I should. I feel as if my life should be transformed when I really get it, you know? I don't know, I just sort of feel alone right now. Hard to explain. Anyways, I hope everyone is well, and having a phenomenal Easter. I hope we can all love each other the way Christ loved us.