February 14th

It's February 14th. That means a couple of things. First of all, it's two weeks until my birthday. Secondly, it's Valentine's Day. Thirdly, it's Tuesday. Fourthly, once again, I have no one to spend the holiday with, i.e. a member of the opposite gender. It really didn't bother me until dinner, where once again, I was eating alone. I had the opportunity to go seat myself with a friend, but the thing is, that would also entail sitting with a bunch of other people that I don't necessarily enjoy as much. Don't you hate it when in order to hang out with someone cool, you have to deal with a bunch of not as cool people? Well, that's what happened. And sitting alone, I just got to thinking, "What the hell do I do?" I walk around in a leather jacket carrying a notebook, spend the night practicing, doing homework, and jacking around on the computer. I'm in a bunch of music stuff, but I'm not really accepted by the music community at Luther as a whole, only the low brass studio. I pine for girls that are not attainable, and try to mask those failings with dressing sort of well. That was what was going through my mind. I had an encounter with Emily today in the music building, where she wished me a happy Valentine's Day and gave me a Hershey's Kiss. And she sent me a Star Wars valentine via campus mail. I mean, none of it meant anything, but I so wish it would have. I hate to keep dwelling on this, but since it's my blog, and I can say what I want, why is that a beautiful, funny, sweet girl who loves Star Wars, music, and swing dancing, comes into my life and simultaneously, gains a boyfriend that isn't me? Gah. I don't know, I just sort of feel like some sort of mutant, being 19 and never having a relationship. I feel like I'm going to end up like Steve Carell in The 40 Year Old Virgin, and grow up so mortified of the opposite sex that I never know love or anything. AND I DON'T WANT THAT. I'm an emotional guy, and I have so much pent up. It's just like, "What the hell is wrong with me? I'm frekking 19, and kissed a girl once. And it was a really lame one, in 11th grade. At prom. I mean, damn, I'm not that bad looking. I don't have that boring a personality. I'm socially awkward, but I'm not like (insert ridiculously socially awkward person's name here)." I mean, that's not a fair way to say it, but that's how you feel. That's just how you feel. So, I want to listen to more jazz. I want to listen to a lot of jazz, and sort of build up a library. I'm going to attempt to purchase a Duke Ellington at Newport record off eBay. Yes, you heard me right. A record. I want to listen to jazz on vinyl. I've been caught up in the Winter Olympics the past few days. If anyone doesn't know, I love the Olympics. I'm using the word "love" to describe how I feel about the Olympics. And I just felt so bad when Michelle Kwan had to drop out. I really wanted to see her win a gold medal. And I really want Bode Miller to step it up and stop getting disqualified. So yeah, the Olympics rock. If I want, I could go to Torino next year... Lately, I've listened to "Come Fly With Me" by Frank Sinatra about a hundred times. It is a quality song. Man, I got this sweet white dinner jacket. It's basically a white tux jacket. Watch an old James Bond movie and you'll get the idea. It's awesome. Hopefully I'll be wearing it for jazz orchestra. That's right, my time spent with the Luther College jazz band is now over. It was a good run, and a good experience, but it's time to move on. I wish all whom I left behind nothing but the best. Man, piano is kicking my butt right now. It's just one of those weeks, where I just feel musically overwhelmed, mainly because of ear training and piano. But, it is a challenge to overcome. I look forward to spending some time with Scott this weekend. Miss that guy.