Stupidity

I am so stupid. Just, rage, I don't know how to explain myself. I went on a walk with Ben and Jacob, out on a back road around Decorah. And, I don't know. I just didn't say anything, when there was so much I wanted to talk about with them. Especially Kathleen. Damn it, why does this always happen to me? Why does it always happen, without fail? I meet a girl I really like, and instantly, like that (snaps fingers), I become so embroiled in all these mentally projected horrific scenarios. For example, "She's so well liked and wonderful, she'll never want to do anything with me. I'm so boring." Or the perennial favorite, "I don't know how to approach her." Seriously man, this is exactly what you were warned about. You get so captivated, that your whole life becomes captive to this strange sense of something in your mind. You become so freaked out about making contact with someone that you don't make any contact at all. Why can't you just look at her as a human being, a fellow sister in Christ, just another person, albeit an interesting one? Why do you instantly have to apply this label of "liked girl" and suddenly lose all sense of logic? It's so lame. You have this amazing girl who has sort of kind of come into your life, and instead of just getting to know her, being friendly, you flip out. It's so lame. And then when you want to talk about it with your best friends, you flip out again. Man, this is stupid. I wish my life could be easy as some of the people I know. When they want to get to know someone better, they have the ability to just go up and talk to them. It's no problem to them. But, I suppose, we all have our struggles in life. This is mine. I've never been in a relationship, and I know part of the reason is because of this weird funk that I always inevitably fall into. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to express myself the way I want to. But like, I have no idea on how to approach her. No idea at all. This just gives you an idea of how socially inept I am. I don't even know what to say to someone to just make casual conversation. Much less gain a friend. I need to stop this dissertation in self pity. I need to go to sleep, get up early, and be productive. And get this crap out of my head. Anyways, I'm frustrated with myself. But other than that, it was a pretty good day, I guess. Except I spent like $46 buying music. Oh well, Benjamin spent almost $100. It always can be worse.