Remembering

I took this photo when I was in New York City this June, at the World Trade Center site. I don't know, I saw it written on a makeshift wooden wall on a walkway near the site, and it just struck me very strongly. Really gave weight to the moment, I guess. Later on, I had the opportunity to visit a chuch right by the towers, that sort of served as an unofficial resting place for rescue workers. And man, I don't know, the tragedy that was 9/11 hit me then. Really, what sort of person, what sort of heart must you have to run into those towers, knowing full well that your death may lie ahead, but still going ahead to try and save people? How selfless must you be? How brave must you be? A lot braver and a lot more selfless than I am. Gosh, I remember distincly, walking into Mrs. Lund's American History class after marching band, looking at the TV, and just seeing this shot of Manhattan covered in smoke. Absolutely covered. And no one really knew what had happened yet. I just remember being very frightened for those people. And for myself, I guess. But when I actually got to travel to the World Trade Center site this summer, it gave a whole new dimension to it. So many deaths, so many selfless acts, so many heroes as well. And all for such a senseless act of hatred. But, tragic things happen, I guess. It doesn't mean we have to like it though. I don't know, just, I hope everyone took a moment to remember 9/11 today, both the civillians and the rescue workers who took the ultimate risk. I went to Focus tonight. Probably the first time I've gone to a worship service at college since about February of last year. And you know, it was good for me. I got so flipped out at lunch. I ate with Benjamin and Michael, and they were both talking about how hot Kathleen was, and how they wanted to "jump on that." And about some other religion/music guy who wants to mack on her. And I just get so nervous, because I think of all those other people can offer her, that I can't. I'm so introspective, and shy, and just, rarg, that I don't know how such a wonderful girl could want to do stuff with me. And this is the stupid part. I haven't even talked with her since the trip. And neither has anyone else. So, in effect, I get freaked out over nothing at all. Man I am stupid. Just sometimes, I feel as if I am just alone in this big ocean of blah. I don't know what other word to use except for blah. So anyways, that's why I needed some God today. I need to start going to chuch regularly. I really do. My life has just been so sort of, drifting without it. But, faith is an issue that I don't really want to discuss here right now. So, breakdown of the day, wake up, eat lunch, get flipped out about Kathleen, practice, get pissed off at trombone, do history, eat dinner, practice piano and ear training, continue to think about oboe girl, go to a tuba recital, go to church, practice trombone more, return, write this. Fun day.