Lame

I had an "eh" time at swing tonight. So, I picked up Laura, and her friend Megan came, and some guy friend named Gary. I'm pretty sure she didn't have a thing for him or anything, but she had had a bad day, so definitely spent most of the night talking with him. And inevitably, I ended up with not many people to dance with. Which bothered me, because I wanted to dance. I did dance some cool songs with my friend Kate. That was, confusing, to say the least. She's a girl that I've known all my life, and the past few months, have been struggling with my feelings towards her. We danced somewhat intimately tonight, and that just sort of added to the swirl of emotions that is my mind right now when it comes to girls. But still, I didn't dance as much as I would have liked. I don't know. I think the real problem I have tonight, is all my frustration with failing with the opposite gender for the past 6 years or so is coming to a boil. I just don't really understand why I fail so completely. I mean, I know the whole Star Wars thing is weird, but is it really so bad as to make women not want to get to know me? I don't know. I feel as if I am never going to find the person that is right for me, because no one has ever found me right for them. Even for a stupid high school/college fling. And it's just quite depressing, because I think I would be good to a girl. And also, I think I have some angst at Laura. I like the girl, but I'm getting the feeling that she wants to see me on Thursday nights, and that's about it. I guess I'm not enough of her style or whatever. So, that is not cool, because as I've illustrated numerous times, I like her and think she's cool. I go back to college in about 2 and a half weeks. I'm looking forward to getting away from my mother and all her nagging. Looking forward to seeing what few friends I do have, and hopefully some people that may become friends. I don't know. If anyone doesn't know, I have social problems, and had a lot of problems at college last year meeting people. When I came home for the summer, I thought I'd be rid of that because I have lots of friends back home. But this summer, I feel really alone. And it's really mostly my fault. I'm so nervous about calling people and asking them to do anything, I just don't. And then my best friend got a girlfriend, so he's not as available. So, that saddens me, to say the least. I don't know, I wish people would just call me. But I need to learn to take some risks too. So anyways, that's sort of what's on my mind right now. Basically, I wish I knew why women don't seem to like me. I suppose a lot of men have this go through their minds, except if they're one of the lucky few that women always seem to gravitate towards. Anyways, I'm out.