Fed Up

I am fed up. This probably isn't the most appropriate place to address this issue, but I can't ever seem to get a response when I'm face to face. Anyways, I spent a majority of the evening with two friends of mine. And, for a little backstory, we always have given each other crap about being gay. Now, I am not homosexual, nor do I harbor any ill feelings towards homosexuals. It's just a stupid juvenille thing we do. Anyways, tonight, it was so bad, I just got fed up. I gave my time willingly, because I thought it would be enjoyable to see my friends. I don't need my friends to sit around and just make me feel like an idiot. Now, I'm all for friendly banter, but it definitely crossed the line tonight, and I didn't feel as if my feelings were being respected. I can't say I'm a saint here either, but I hope that when people ask me to stop, I respect their wishes. I definitely did not feel respected tonight, or in the company of people I care for. These individuals may feel it's a big joke, but it is not a joke to me. When I am constantly being told I am a loser and gay, I feel like shit. Straight up. I don't know, it just seems that whenever I see people from my past, I'm just there to be a big joke. Ha ha, he has a Jedi robe, ha ha, all he does is watch Star Wars, ha ha, he goes swing dancing, ha ha, he doesn't have a girlfriend, ha ha, he watches romantic movies, ha ha, he dresses like a fag, ha ha, he goes to a private college, ha ha, he doesn't want to drink excessively. I cannot lie, I spent over $500 on a Jedi robe, and you know what? I don't regret it. I like it. I realize that it seems very strange to the normal person, I really do. But I could afford it, it was something I enjoy, and I liked wearing it. And you know what, I like who I am. I like the personality that I have. Are there things I need to work on? Yes, and I think I have a good idea on what. I am perfectly well aware that some of the things I do are not totally accepted by the mainstream young adult set. And you know what, I don't give a damn. I don't hurt my friends by liking Star Wars, or swing dancing, or wearing Aloha shirts, and those things bring me joy. And no, I don't have a girlfriend, but you know what, I am patient. And it's my choice not to get drunk and act stupid, but I don't inhibit others from doing so. I may disapprove, but I hope I keep it to myself. My life is made up of things I choose to do, things that I like. I embrace my geekiness, and I think I do a pretty good job of keeping a solid hold on reality, and laughing at myself. But like I said, I can laugh at myself, but I don't need to have my best friend laughing at my expense just because I do some things he finds strange. If anyone has a problem with the facts of my life, please just tell me. Don't just make me feel like a freaking idiot. If what I like to do threatens your sense of self so much, just tell me straight up. There is no need for me to be constantly insulted and harrassed. As I was feeling like a dumbass tonight, I realized that I have been doing the same things. So, I have resolved to make a serious effort to watch my own tongue, and respect my friends. The people I care about deserve better than what they've gotten from me, and I deserve better than what I've been receiving. So you know, that's my thing. Other than that experience, it was a good day. Ben and I learned the values of radiator fluid on I-94 in the morning, and I spent two hours of the afternoon pulling Christmas lights out of my tree from my French prom escapade a year ago. I also had a near-religious experience at the new Kowalski's Market in Lakeville. Simply put, the most amazing grocery experience of my life. Can't explain it much more. So you know, readers of Aaron's blog, some of you know you were who I wrote about tonight. I realize I should have straight up told you to stop, but you know what, I did tell you to stop. So, sorry if it offends, but excuse me if I don't enjoy just being made small.