Beauty

Today, I was reminded of beauty. And I don't want to sound like some sort of weird stalker, but it came in the form of a young woman who is an old friend of mine. If any of you hail from my church, you'll probably recall Jenna. Anyways, I saw her for a bit tonight. I just stopped by to bid her farewell, as I probably will not be seeing her before we both head to college in a week. I didn't get to see her much this summer, but was able to spend about 15 minutes with her in the church parking lot, doing some swing dancing, and just saying good bye. Anyways, I was reminded why I used to have a huge crush on her, and as I matured, distinguished her as a bastion of beauty in a largely "hot" world. She is just a beautiful person. Beautiful in physical appearance, but even more beautiful as an upright woman of the Lord. Yeah, that sounds corny, I know, and it makes me sound like I'm some evangelical freak. I'm not. But she is just such a Godly woman. And she's a beautiful Godly woman. I love her. She's a person I wish I knew more intimately. I'm not talking about a relationship here, I'm talking about friendship. Which I suppose, could turn into a relationship, but that is completely beside the point. I just wish I knew so many awesome people more intimately. It's just such a leap to take the steps to create such a relationship. Steps that I need to take if I want to break free of this humdrum cycle of a few close friends and a million other opportunities that I just sort of wish about. Anyways, moral of the story, Jenna is beautiful, I wish I knew her better and spent more time with her, and was reminded of what a beautiful person is like. It's not that I don't encounter beautiful people every day. But you get complacent when you see them all the time. When it's an individual like Jenna, who I don't see as much, it just hits you even more. I got up early this morning, and got coffee with Jacob at Dunn Brothers. It was fun. I don't know, Jacob is another person I wish I knew better. Which is a strange statement to make, because I've known him since middle school. But I still feel like I have to hold back with him, like I have to hide my real self behind a cardboard cutout of what I think people are not threatened by. I wish I could be more completely honest with my friends, especially Ben and Jacob. They have been two of my best friends from the moment we went off to Wapo in 7th grade, and have stood by me through many things, eventually helping draw me to Luther, and just generally being two individuals I care for very much and look up to like no other. That's right, for those of you who know those two and think I'm nuts, I look up to them. And if it weren't for their care for me last year at Luther, I would have had a horrible year. They are so good to me. But still, I always feel so bland when I'm with them, like I'm holding back the real me. The one who gets exuberant over Star Wars, and compares riding an escalator to standing on the bow of a pirate ship, who buys yellow linen blazers and then wears it with a rainbow striped shirt. That's who I am. Not someone who always talks in a near whisper, beats around the bush when it comes to important subjects, and is just generally afraid to do anything that I perceive others would not approve of. I need to not fear mistakes. I need to follow this advice with women too. I need to be always be myself, and not bring my friends down with this fear of social situations bullshit. This year, I am going to break away from the anchor that weighs me down. I will be more social, and will meet people. It's time for me to stop living in pseudo-solitude. I know my friends don't want it for me, I don't want it, and God doesn't want it. Anyways, I know Jacob reads this, and I'm not typing all this to try and make some point to him, or give him a clue to my behavior, or anything like that. I'm just saying what I've been struggling with. Jacob and I got offered jobs at Dunn Brothers this morning. That was interesting. This guy just followed us out, and asked us if we wanted jobs. But unfortunately, we are both returning to Decorah soon. It would have been fun though. Back in the day, I always wanted to work at Starbucks. I need to go. Corey is coming over, and we're watching a film. Anyways, I think this day should be dedicated to beauty. Thanks Jenna, for adding more sunshine to my day.